The Serene Conspiracy

Your Love.

2009-06-22T12:06:00.002+08:00

Canadian boy,

This parting was harder then I thought. I've got everything that I want to say in that big note that I gave you. So I dont have to momentarily embarrass myself here.

I'll miss you. I swear I will. :)

Love,
Nuruljanna Marican (your Singaporean girl)

Dilemma from Canada

2009-06-18T10:20:00.003+08:00

di⋅lem⋅ma
/dɪˈlɛmə/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [di-lem-uh] Show IPA
–noun
1. a situation requiring a choice between equally undesirable alternatives.

This noun I'm referring above to is what I'm feeling right now. I'm writing it here and not over the phone or over text messages because I know you visit this page so that you'll learn something new about me everyday.

Man,

What we had appprox. six years ago was beautiful. It was unforgettable, and I still think about the times when we young and foolish, when we were so much in love, so much in common. When we'll skip school and played soccer, and I'll meet you after class everyday. We were the ultimatum pair, we were unique, we were special, Man. We were.

Many years have passed since you went away, and many things you dont know of me because you moved on with your life and so did I. You asked me when you were half asleep whether I still love you till today, despite whatever happened between us.

I could only answer, "Maybe".

I swear whatever we shared when we were young was magical, everything just clicked between us. I never expected the circumstances to be bitter, Man. I didnt expect it all.

A friend told me, "When we were meant to be together, distance will only be an excuse". But my dear friend didnt know, I swore that I love him six years ago, but I'm unsure if it still implies in today's context. Maybe I did move on and look on for a better life for myself. A better episode to look forward to, and you weren't there.

An intellectual told me, "Love isn't about yourself, it's about him." Suddenly it clicked in me. Suddenly I know what I want to do in this week your in Singapore. I want to be with you.

But Man, don't get me wrong. I don't want to lead you on, because there's no chance in hell or heavens will end up together, I told you that and you could only nod in a reluctant agreement. A few seconds later, I see tears in your eyes.

That was my first time I saw tears in your eyes (your just as egoistic as me). Even we officially ended our relationship years ago, there wasn't a tear, why now Man? Why six years later there were tears in your eyes?

Man, we need to move on. Move on, because I know you'll meet the right one. And it's not me. Reality is cruel, but holding on to the past will even be more cruel to everyone around us. Man, I beg you, move on, but don't forget me because I still position you very high in my self-esteem.

I still have four days to redeem myself for yesterday. I'll make it right for you :)

I swear, I will never forget you, till eternity.

You Give Me Wing - Hady Mirza

I'm out of things to blog about.

2009-06-02T18:39:00.003+08:00

Hello homosapiens of the world,

Yes I know, I know I've been away for a pretty long time. Oh well, dont blame me, please blame the very vicious and very unmerciful thing called; school. Yes, I've been terribly buzy with school, parties, girlfriends, dancing, religious classes and of course home.

Now, I've got some time on my own finally and it's only because its the holidays again!

- need to think what to right here -

I've got nothing to update except for the fact that my ex-boyfriend from Canada will be visiting on the third week of June. Yes, I'm excited because I miss him. I really did.

That's all I want to write. Below, was requested from Nuriah, the bitch. So hereby killing time, Im doing it. Here it goes

1. Besides lips, where is your favourite spot to get a kiss?
♥ My belly button.

2. How did you feel when you woke up this morning?
♥ "Oh yeah, I need to complete Ms Koh's Physics Assignment, let's go!"

3. Who was the last person i took pictures with?
♥ Ermm, myself?

4. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
♥ 40% spoilt, because my Mum cooks and cleans my clothes. So yeah, I am partially.

5. Would you ever donate blood?
♥ Of course, let's save lives! :)

6. Have you ever had a bestfriend who was the opposite sex?
♥ Of course I did, who eventually became my boyfriend, then my exboyfriend and then became a bestfriend again and his in Canada right now. :)

7. Do you want someone dead?
♥ I fucking do.

8. What does the last message say?
♥ From Summer - "Janna, I can't make for the training tomorrow, help me tell Weiqi can?"

9. What are you thinking right now?
♥ My exboyfriend from Canada <3

10. Do you wish someone is with you right now?
♥ Oh my gosh, I really do, I really do.

11. What time you went to bed last night?
♥ 0445hrs

12. Where did you buy your T-Shirt that you're wearing now?
♥ North Vista Secondary School Orientation T-Shirt.

13. Is someone in your mind?
♥ A whole bunch of people are in my mind.

14. Who was the last person who texted you?
♥ Summer Ong

15. 10 people tagged in this quiz.
01- Nuriah
02- Sri Nurulhuda.
03- Firdaus Marican
04- Norazaman
05- Rudy
06- Nabilah Abd Razak
07- Pang Jia Hao
08- Arifah
09- Nur Adilah
10- Nurul Janna Johan

16. Who is 2 having relationship with?
♥ With me, cause she's my bestfriend. :)

17. Is 3 male or female?
♥ Male, definitely.

18. If 7 & 10 get together, would it be good thing?
♥ Hahahaha, they don't even know each other actually exist

19. What is 1 studying about?
♥ Orgasmic and hot guys in Rugby only.

20. When was the last time you had a chat with 5?
♥ Last week. I miss him.

21. Is 4 single?
♥ Yes, but unavailable because he says he still loves me.

22. Say something about 2?
♥ She's my bestfriend, my crazy gossip partner, my partner in crime, my xiao ca bo and my lover. I love her berry much.

23. What do you think about 3 & 6 being together?
♥ Omg, their cousins. Fucking never.

24. Describe 9.
♥ Short, petulent, crazy, bitchy, romantic, attentive and definitely sexy :)

25. What will you do if 6 & 7 fight?
♥ Fight lor, hahaha.

26. Do you like 8?
♥ Only a stupid person dosen't love her! :)

The people I miss right now.

2009-05-10T22:23:00.005+08:00

My lovely six Chinese boyfriends. I miss you people, heaps. Thai green curry at my house again this year? :)

My original 5N2 heaps. Man I swear I fucking miss you guys.

My Golden Modern Dancers. I swear I miss dancing with you people. You make my life in NVSS less sucky because after classes will rush back to the dance room to practice, dance 'Oye Mi Canto', mimic to the African tribe leader and do our props. But most importantly we had each other. Man I miss you people! :)

My Phat Mama's. How can I forget you girls? You girls are the reason why I still have this burning passion for dance in me till today. I just want to say that I love you girls, no matter what happens. And Im so happy for you girls cause you girls have the man of your dreams now. And I wish you girls all the best. Let's hang out soon because I love you so.
My lifeline, my hopes, my dreams and my bestfriend. We share the same genes, same lips, and the same lipstick. I love you Mum, and I will always be a part of you no matter what happens. :)
My Dara Bangs, who made my MI life much more fun, crazy and more motivated to study. I love you girls.
My childhood was beautiful, because I was a talented young girl who loves to paint, draw, sing and dance. However academically, I wasn't able to succeed.
My BloodSisters. I swear that these girls are amazing in their wits. I love them, forver, Sadly most of the BloodSisters are only half Marican. :)
Rauf baby, my nephew. I swear his damn smart. I miss him very much. I couldnt kiss him or hug him yesterday because I was afraid of passing my infection to him. So I rather stayed away, but always remember your Aunty Nurul loves you very much and will do anything to make you happy. :)
Sri, my one and only 21 year old bestfriend. Shes beautiful, crazy, bitchy, fun and most of all she's genuine in her words. I love you girl, I swear I do.

Iqmal baby, this is the toddler who effortlessly remembers all the estates in Singapore. Including the very hard to pronounce Ang Mo Kio which apparently he didnt, he calls it Ang Mo Ti To for no apparent reason. I love you Iqmal, I swear I do :)

Mummy, I love you.

2009-05-08T21:48:00.002+08:00

The day after tomorrow is one of those unforgettable dates in my calender, because the woman that I will be celebrating with share the very same genes as me. The woman who I admire the most, my Mum.

I swear this year I've been buzy with school commitments that I hadn't had the time to make/shop for her present. I know deep inside shes quite hurt, although she shows a very assuring front that it didnt matter.

I swear the conflict that Im having with my dad and the financial sub-prime crisis is to be blamed for all this. Mum, I'm so sorry. I guess for the all Marican family gathering tomorrow, I'll be handing her nothing except for a card I think. I swear I should make a hole in the ground and bury my head.

I'm stil having a cold war with my Dad, for a few apparent reasons of which Im not revealing it here because I know there are some bitches in school who stalk and start spreading rumors about me. Yes, it sucks when you have stalkers.

I didnt attend school today, well its a record of 5 months. I have one day mc to cover me, because of my major throat infection I have. The doctor says it's quite infectious, so I need antibiotics for a week. And she said I can't share drinks, smoke, drink soft drinks and of course no tennis till I'm fully recovered.

All the proposals that I've been working on the past few days has gone to waste because the school managment cancelled the whole freaking idea. I swear I couldnt contain my anger. I took a damn long time to figure out how to design a collage banner of different stars. I swear I regretted volunteering to design it.

Im very dissapointed. My sweat was in it. Oh well, let it be bygones. For the past week, I wasn't at all happy with myself. There was always something I'm not happy with.

But I loved Monday. And I swear it was lovely.

I long to see

2009-05-02T07:53:00.003+08:00

The game of charades we all play is for a sole purpose to gain acceptance. We all do.

This dearly realm of mine is on a hiatus till further notice because I think my life is too damn messed up to even start blabbering everything out in the open.

Sometimes I wonder to myself, I can't trust anyone anymore. I had bad experiences in the past whereby I was vulnerable and gullible, I trusted anyone I see and I do. I trusted them only to be dissapointed that people betray that very trust I treasured, the very friendship I long to see.

I long to see.

These past few nights, I've been encountering problems of sleeping. I've got a splitting migraine which happens frequently in the night causing much problems. I guess I'm going through that bad phase in my life again.

I long to see those days whereby I've got nothing to worry. I long to see those days whereby I was carefree, young and dangerous.

Yes, I long to see those days. We humans put on a charade everyday inorder to gain acceptance from people we love, don't deny yourself, we all play that charades game. We all did.

Love, Janna.

Cry to sleep

2009-04-27T20:50:00.002+08:00

All I hear everday is noise, bickerings and unhappiness. Why do I still cry to sleep at night when I know it's unhealthy to do so.

Why am I still here?

I want to run away, far away from my problems. Can I seek your refuge under your shelter? Can I?

I'm unhappy

2009-04-23T10:14:00.003+08:00

I thought to myself everyday, I go to school feeling all happy because I'm blessed with a caring Mum and an annoying brother I love very much, but when I sleep every night I find myself crying to sleep.

But why?

I'm not adding my dad into the post because I don't want to think about him. I dislike him for the way he treats the family, oh wait, I have a fucking problem with his communication.

He just fucking doesn't. He tells lies and he cheats. I'm beginning to dislike him, don't get me wrong my humble audience, I don't hate him yet. I just don't.

Rudy told me, sometimes crying ourselves to sleep is the best way to sleep when you've got so many things in our minds. And with this sentence, I'm not obliged to do the same thing every night.

And last night was one of the night I cried myself to sleep. Now I'm in school feeling all teary-eyed and helpless. I hate portraying a weak side, because by character, I'm not. But at times when my hearts gets hits first, my eyes will get teary. And sometimes I don't even know why I'm crying in the first place.

We all face problems, and I realised that I cant go one telling everyone about my problems because that seems selfish of me. But I can't help it, I'm a girl after-all. I just feel unhappy, empty somewhere but I can't find the root of it.

Maybe I'm a materialistic girl, I will be happy with the existence of more money in front of me, especially during a financial crisis. I limit myself with one school food per day and I go home earlier to have home-cooked food by Mum (because it's cheaper and more worth the money because its delicious) in order to save the trouble in pick-pocketing into my Dad's trousers when his asleep.

Yes, tell me I'm a bad daughter by example. Fuck, what is happening to me?

I really miss the old self, where by I could be care free and not worry. Now, I've so many things to worry about, my status in the tennis team is declining because I'm a 'A' Div player but I'm not playing [due to various reasons], I kept telling everyone that's its okay. But fuck, it hurts inside and no realises it.

Sometimes I tell myself maybe when I've improved enough with the course of this year maybe I'll get to play, but wait I think the Coach dislikes me. So yeah I'm not doing well in that area, and as well as my studies.

I get tired after all the hype of tennis and when I get back home what do I do? I fucking sleep my ass off. I hate it when the fatigue gets to me. I just fucking hate it, I wish humans ran on batteries. I just bring two-three extra battery packs in my bag when I feel tired and I'm on the road again.

Maybe, God forgot that component in our human body. So no One is to be blamed here. Oh well. My studies is deteriorating, and I can't figure out why. Oh maybe I did, but I'm not doing anything about it because I couldn't give a shits ass about whats going on?

I better end it here, before I get all teary eyed. See you all soon, bitches.

An angry note

2009-04-16T21:13:00.003+08:00

This few days, I've been having an emotional breakdown. I think that the men in my life are useless and good for nothing. I don't feel happy suddenly, I need to break out this chain of poverty. I need to, I have too actually.

Fuck it, I hate it when we are having financial constraints. And the school isn't helping either, there's always something that we have to pay. I pay for a fucking jersey but I don't get to play. What is fucking wrong with my seniors?

Yes, now I'm speaking about the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I fucking hate improvement rates, their freaking slow. I know I fucking need to improve, but not letting me play and experience a losing game, its damn pathetic. I just can't wait to fucking get myself out of the team next year.

I want a drastic change to the team, I want to change the management. Now, I'm just fucking angry at everything in my life, the men, the school, the tennis team, and myself. Yes, I'm angry at myself people.

I'm just fucking angry, calm me please.

Hate, Janna

My 20th Bday

2009-04-12T09:26:00.004+08:00

My twentieth birthday celebrations at Changi Village.

The presents I received.

My booblicious girlfriend and I.

My hunny Bee and I.

Presenting, "DARA BANGS AND BOOBIES"(not full force yet).

Sayang you girls alot. :D

Party planners.

I swear the cake could have killed my taste buds, it's so fucking delicious.

Happy goober I was, my birthday was a day/night to be remembered always. :D

A big warm thanks to all who texted me, made cards, texted me through friendster and facebook and wished me a great birthday. You people are incredibly awesome people. To the party planners, thank you for the surprise birthday celebrations. My whole life I never got one and this marks a date in my book of history pages.

I love you girls till death do us part. I love Rudy (he did texted me that night, well atleast he bothered wishing) too.

I want to thank my parents and my brother for making our family outing a huge tonnes of success. The night to remember spend with my loved ones, I will never forget that too.

Thank you so very much. I greatly appreciate it.

Aku da ber-umur

2009-04-11T10:31:00.003+08:00

The earrings and bracelet that I'm wearing in the photo is courtesy to Arifah as a birthday present. They are so lovely, thank you dear.

Firstly I would like to thank the DARA BANGS for making a birthday surprise bash for me. They are incredibly sweet load of people, while I'm still waiting for the pictures from the best friend, here are some information that you people may find entertaining. I'll update on that incredibly sweet birthday bash. Thank you girls for the food, presents, and especially the time. It was amazing.

And no, the rain didnt dampen my spirits at all. No worries. :D

Yes, I've turned twenty-years old. :)

5 snacks I gorge myself with.
1) Ben and Jerry's Ice-Cream
2) New Zealand Natural's
3) Cadbury Black Forest Ice-Cream
4) Roti Prata With Chocolate Ice-Cream
5) Home-made Ondeh-ondeh

5 songs I sing and tear people's ears apart.
1) We Belong Together - Mariah Carey
2) Disturbia - Rihanna
3) Ketulusan Hati - Anuar Zain
4) I'll Kill Her - Soko
5) Tear's Don't Fall - Bullet For My Valentine

5 things I would do with a million bucks.
1) Migrate to New Zealand
2) Shop at Marc Jacobs
3) Visit Victoria's Secret Store at the US.
4) Make a room specially for gaming
5) Make my mum happy.

5 places I seek refuge.
1) My room
2) Infront of the computer screem
3) My bed
4) The top floor of 148
5) My phone

5 things I'll never wear.
1) Pink clothes
2) Anything with "Hello Kitty"
3) Bare back clothes
4) Sleeveless clothes
5) Polka dots.

5 bad habits.
1) Sloth
2) Sloth
3) Sloth
4) Sloth
5) sloth

5 joys.
1) Rudy
2) A hug
3) Food
4) Money
5) Presents

5 things I am handicapped without.
1) iPod
2) House-keys
3) Wallet
4) Handphone
5) Money

5 people I would date. (excluding the boyfriend/spouse)
1) Rudy
2) Rudy
3) Rudy
4) Rudy
5) Zacky Vengence

Move house la bodoh

2009-04-09T04:34:00.001+08:00

I've moved to livejournal. Search me at... like ever I'm telling you. I've moved.

Nasty

2009-04-07T21:59:00.002+08:00

Hello nasty God-created fucks,

I'M
VERY
FUCKING
UPSET.

That's all nasty bitches. Ponder on little sluts, why you were born into this world. A world filled with betrayal, sweat, greed and lust. Ponder on...

Change for the better

2009-04-06T00:54:00.003+08:00

At the highest point at Bukit Batok with Nuriah. How I miss those times?

Everyone is upset about something now a days, I read through some of my closest friend's blogs(yes, I'm a part time spy) and everyone seem so unhappy. April has to start this way is it? Maybe April may not be a good month for all. Who knows only God knows.

I have cousins who read my blog constantly and keeps bugging me about my love life, and I'm begging to hate the fact now. [I'm contemplating to make this realm private.] I understand that a blog is made public and anyone and anyone could read them but please just keep to yourself can you? I may put up a happy front because I don't want to seem rude, but I actually do not like it at all.

It's my blog and my say anyway, so yeah mind your own business can you? I'll greatly appreciate it.

The financial crisis has really caused my family much stress. The thoughts of sending my grandad to my old folks home may seem possible because the children of this family couldn't take it anymore. He is like a old teenager going out of control, beyond control to be in fact. Unfortunately, our family is not doing well financially. My dad, he just seem not to care.

Sometimes I hate it when my fingers start typing about him, bad things about him here in my realm. The others may not seem to know his dark secret, now I shall reveal, his not an ideal father/husband/son-in-law and that's all I can say. Sometimes in my life, I wished that I didn't know him. I wish that I had no relations with him, don't get me wrong I don't hate him, maybe and just maybe, I'm beginning to loathe him.

I know it sounds bad already, I pray everyday hoping that the feelings will change and he'll change for the better, but it seems that God is persistent in keeping him that way.I have to admit, I'm not the ideal daughter/friend/sister/granddaughter/student either but in every inch of the way I try to straighten out the ends. I really do.

Gosh, this post sounds so unhappy already. I wish I had someone I call my own whereby I could cry on and just wail on. But there no such person, no such person.

God, all I'm asking from you now is to here my cries for help. I need strength to go through with life that I'm destined with. Every week, I go to Your House to clear my doubts about my religion, yes I can see the light You bring me too, but I still need guidance from You. God, please hear me, because I'm your weak and helpless slave.

Please help me.

Weight Issues

2009-03-30T04:14:00.006+08:00

My weight issue is getting onto me. No chips, soft drinks, Kentucky Fried Chicken and fast food for a month till 'A' Divs are over.

Alright I'm back darlings.

Well, I guess this post will be a brief one due to the Economics essay that is pending on the dining room table. I've yet to complete the Case Study because I couldnt be bothered to do(in your face, bitch), the teacher's face is enough to allow me to suffer from nausea for a week.

Yes, I'm a mean girl.

Recently, I sprained my ankle during tennis training and the feeling sucks. Because if I can't train means I can't run, if I can't run, I won't lose any weight because no physical retaliation against the flab's in my tummy has been done, and thus on a concluding factor, my boncit/fat tummy is visible. I have an ankle guard which helps a million, my parents are disallowing to attend training and couldn't be bothered to shout at my face due to the stubborn brain that I have.

I'm a stubborn girl.

Yes, I hate feeling and being fat all over again. It feels like dejavu when my teachers can't stop picking on me due to my weight issue. I was darn fat and it effects my self-esteem at one moment of my life. But I told myself I wont let this effect me because I'm confident, voluptuous and I don't care a pig's ass about what your acid mouths would come out with about me.

Because its their prerogative, and I can't stop them, can I?

Look me in the eye, tell me that you love me?

I'm very much amused by the Chameleon, their ability to change their skin colour just fascinates me ever since I was kid living in Bedok North. It's just so amusing. And not to mention their tongue, do you know the length of their tongue is much longer then their body?

Amazing kan? Anyway what would you know, you don't appreciate this kind of thing's anyway.

I'm done. My essay is screaming into my ear, can you hear it? If you don't, I guess you should get your ears checked. I miss Nadia Yacob and Rudy sayang.

Maybe I do not need a boyfriend.

2009-03-25T19:54:00.008+08:00

If you want to know what your men are thinking about us ladies? Read this book and you'll learn so much about the opposite sex and what they expect in a woman. I rate this book 3/5, it's my favorite author by the way.

Hello people, yes I'm finally having a relief over the hectic schedule I have in school. Everyone wants me around, everyone expects the best out of me, so yes that explains my extraordinarily busy schedule.

Below are just some of the major events that might be happening in my life.

Councilor's Investiture: I'll be in the school's blazer, so yes it's quite a prestigious event.
'A' Division Tennis Tournaments coming in Mid April to End April: Not to mention the hectic training.
Spirit of Enterprise course: After every interview of any famous Entrepreneur you'll be awarded $100. Amazing eh?
Project Work: This has officially started for the year 2's. Hectic asses.
Might be volunteering at the Abdul Razak Mosque at Paya Lebar. Shocking eh?
I've got Physics tuition now on every Friday nights due to my disappointing results.
Donating Blood on the 7th.
I've got two projects underway, one for GP and one for SEA History.
And I miss my social life.

---

I got this survey from Aina's post, so I guess it doesn't hurt to post one here too.

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you. [Not entirely true, but I've got that feedback before, so I guess yes? :D]

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes. [First sentence, damn true. 2ND sentence, super true. 3rd sentence, attractive? Not sure about that but I think I gained weight, which makes myself less attractive?]

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. [Yes, I'm ready to commit to a relationship but not now, I'm busy mending my only relationship, school, which is sucking my every ounce of energy always. Maybe I'll settle on one after my 'A' Level course?]

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with? [I flirt and seduce, but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to settle down with you. All girls flirt, one way or another]

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. [YES! Education is extremely important, especially in a world driven my science, technology and extreme competitiveness]

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success. [My dream job? Be a rich wife, to a rich husband and have beautiful children, yes that will be awesome! :D]

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying. [Yes, yes, yes baby!]

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. [This is so freaky, I must feel comfortable in my own skin, maybe cut down the concealer when I use makeup? Okay got it!]

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve. [I'm an angel in a Satan's suit, believe it or not?]

Want to do surveys? Click here.

---

Dear Rudy,

There was a twist of fate. Maybe your just a new comer to my life, yes I enjoy flirting with you, but I try not to fall in love you. I enjoy talking to you because I think your very matured, funny, cheerful and very sexy.

However I have a feeling, I'm very insignificant in your life. Because the girl you think is beautiful, makes me feel very inferior. I'm nothing compared to her, so I guess it's a fair game. I just want to see you happy. It makes me smile, as long you keep on smiling.

Love, Janna.

Alive

2009-03-19T22:42:00.004+08:00

I need more tennis, to lose another 11 more kilos off my body.

Good evening busy-bodies,

I've not died yet, do not worry. Actually I've got nothing to update except for the fact that the March "holidays" was spent with tennis trainings, workshops and lessons. I have to say its been productive, but definitely not relaxing. Ive not even had the time to clean up my room for the longest time due to my very busy schedule.

Sometimes I feel really disorganized. Now, my room lights are malfunctioning and I'm forced to study and do my revision outside at the dining room. I'm not complaining because I know my parents do not have the money yet, to fix the problem, or am I whining. Yes, its really inconvenient to constantly move my items back and forth to pack my bag. It's okay.

The tennis camp was quite, indescribable. But I did miss my girls, dance a little, rallied a little, talk a little. I was happy for a moment. Lost an internal match to a junior, quite saddening but its only my fault. I kept on double faulting thus giving the point to her. Oh well, need to train more. I had a chat with Alex, and I think his really nice :)

Now, I've Physics tuition and I'm glad that my cousin is teaching me. So far it has been good, and I'm going to her house tomorrow, I hope I remember to bring the necessary items for lesson tomorrow.

To tell you people frankly, my body is still recovering from a major immunity break down last week with cough, flu and fever. I still went for training, my mum gave up yelling at me and kept to herself this time round. Okay, I know I'm a stubborn child and I need some lessons to overcome this stubbornness. Anyone willing to help with this problem I have?

Not to mention I have an engagement party to go this weekend. My auntie is getting engaged and shes only 23. I was like, "Is she somewhere from retarded or stupid?". Oh sure, love doesn't matter but I don't think its the right time to exchange rings? Oh well, love is so troublesome, I guess?

I miss Maliha and Dee so much. When can we go out and talk about stupid things again? :)

I have training tomorrow till 5 plus then I'll leave early for tuition. Yes Janna, this is the way to improve, put your priorities right first to achieve success, because I don't want my first Promotional Exam to be a failure just like the Common Tests. History looks like a promising subject to do well in, cause I got a C for History.

Mr Devan, you should be proud of me man? :)

My eyes are screaming for some sleep, yes their tired and so does the brain. My brain has been really unproductive, so yeah I did attend the essay writing workshop and went back for training and I'm back home now quite recently.

Yes, I'm exhausted and I should turn myself in. I love you heaps, and do not worry about my recent postings, Ive not turned suicidal, yet.

The Animal I've Become

2009-03-17T10:30:00.002+08:00

Three Days Grace - The Animal I've Become

I can't escape this hell
So many times i've tried
But i'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, this animal)

I can't escape myself
(I can't escape myself)
So many times i've lied
(So many times i've lied)
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell

(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal I have become)

Single and not available

2009-03-16T17:27:00.004+08:00

Yes to my all Single ladies.

A note to God

2009-03-15T22:10:00.002+08:00

Dear Allah,

I found peace in Your House today. I'm not a strong and dedicated Muslim I must say but despite all the wrongdoings I've done, You still bestow me with surprises every single day. It may not always be positive but I'm glad Your always there when I need You. I'm able todirectly call out to You and Your able to listen to my pleas and cries.

Today, I realised that I can always depend on You to hear me. And this time I hope you are somewhere near me.

Please Allah, help my family, my loved ones, dry their tears and replace them with unimaginable amounts of happiness. Help my brothers and sisters in Palestine and end the war Iraq and Iran war. Because their Your followers too. Everyone says Your able to hear , so why aren't You doing anything to help those in need? Show them some light, some love and finally some hope to keep on living.

Dont make their life on earth a living hell, give them opportunities to learn and study and be successful people in the future. You encourage knowledge seeking, but arent You giving them the opportunites to do so? Answer me.

Everyday, I'm beginning to have more faith in you.

Wassalam,
Your Servant.

Not happy

2009-03-14T20:34:00.004+08:00

Pantai mana tak berombak, bumi mana yang tidak basah.

I have so many things to say that are unhappy and could bring me down to tears. Despite the fact that I have friends who care so much about me and my family who (almost) loves me, I'm still feeling very down. I guess my smile I portray is just a facade, a mask I put on every single day.

I live my life's battle everyday one step at a time and it's unhealthy.

My report card screams failure in my face. It saddens me to my underpants, my parents are utterly disappointed in me. My tears is the evidence of my unhappiness now. It frustrates me when people get good grades with minimal effort. It frustrates me to the core. Maybe I'm never good enough for A Levels. What if my entrance to Millennia was an utter waste of time?

My strong portrayal is crumbling...

As I'm writing this, I'm crying. And I don't want to call Rudy again because he is a busy man. I don't him to feel that I'm overly dependent on him. People might think I'm such a weakling, a pansy ass as they might say. I kept asking myself why am I so unhappy. Is there something in me that's still remains incomplete.

Or is it because I'm utterly selfish.

Sometimes I get angry at myself over the slightest things, maybe I have a basis as to why I set such high goals to myself. Someone told me that what ever I'm aiming for its possible if I'm willing to change. Change is hard to chance upon, because I simply hate it.

I'm just an unhappy girl. And that's all and I suddenly lost my willingness to blog.

Done.

I'm not a loser

2009-03-10T04:20:00.003+08:00

Nad and Me. I love you girl, and will always will :D

This past few days I've not been in the best of moods. I know it's so stupid to be giving in to your feelings always. I'll always feel exhausted from school, training, the problems we facing at home and all. It's so difficult to lead life now. I always admire people who could juggle all of this and still be happy and get good grades too.

It's a question of successful time management, and honestly I don't have that. I'm so disappointed with my results really. I guess my results don't reflect how much work I put in for this past few months. I guess whatever I've done is still not enough.

I hate the word 'disappointment'. A friend told me not to be so emotional over my results, what do you mean by emotional? Yes, I do cry when I get pathetic results such as these and I only got myself to blame.

I need to revise more, complete that extra homework and most importantly get help with my revision. I read through my test papers, seems like I have a problem explaining my points correctly because I know in "my language" I knew exactly what to say but the way I phrased it had to kill the marks, literally.

I'm got to stop blaming everyone except myself, it's a life of a busy pre-university student and I'm approaching the middle years of year two and I need to pull my socks up for more obstacles ahead. I can't help but feel sad over my marks, and I cry sometimes but allow me to cry tonight and I'll be stronger the next day.

I just knew it, when I set my mind to a certain goal, I mean I really want to make it and achieve the best of results. The possibility of me retaining at year one is not high [because I was promoted to year two] but its quite substantial. As for the advanced cases, I wish you the best of luck because I have to say the common tests were not easy and they were set to kill.

Don't care about the advanced cases, because I'm selfish enough to think about myself. Nuriah the babe told me that to take this as a learning journey since failures are part and parcel of our lives: from now on you'll see me whine a little lesser and do more work over the holidays. Thank God for the holidays its for me to catch up on my studies.

1) Do more essay writing: possibly attend that essay writing skills workshop.
2) During the holidays do at least three timed essays.
3) Read more newspapers.
4) Study the chapters that were tested during the Management paper.
5) Economics: need to brush up with my explanation and go though pre-u one topics.

I need to set my mind to a focus mode from now, despite having eye bags enough to be called a panda, I've already set my mind to it and this is what I'm going to achieve.

I told myself time and again, that I'm not failure and I will not allow anyone to call me that. Yes, I am disappointed is only because of myself and I got only myself to blame for it. So, in your face, bitch.

I've not studied enough. I need less social life, and more energy on my books. Because I can't possibly lose my only chance to go the university. And the journey getting there is not a piece of cake and I can assure you that.

Ya Allah, I know I've been a very selfish servant towards you. I've not been practising your religion for the longest time but Almighty, please hear my pleas for help, pleas for hope and pleas for support because I've only you to depend on. Please enlighten me during this times of need.

I end this post with two teardrops on my keyboard. I'm feeling the pressure, and I don't want to called a loser. I just do not want to.

Stress

2009-03-05T10:19:00.004+08:00

Three Days Grace, and I'm beginning to be a faithful fan indeed.

They are screaming in my ears now and set me thinking...

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Dear all,

I know the time shows that I'm somewhere in school and yes I am (pls I wont skip school) now having my break before I'm off for my SPC duties at 10:45am, so Im making this post a pretty short one.

That day I had a reunion with Dee and it was really nice. I missed that little girl. We crapped a lot and we punched on my boobs pretty no. of times, and no don't ask me why she did that for. I guess she misses me too? :) Oh well, I realised I'm very well missed by everyone in North Vista. (Yeah I know like real right?)

I'm making this post without any lovey dovey posts because I know some readers have gave me some valuable feedback that I seem to have no other topics to talk about except Rudy. As a matter of fact I do okay, I have school to talk about, my birthday which is coming real soon (and not happy bout it), the fact that I failed my GP Common tests saddens me to my underpants.

I know life sucks here in Singapore.

When I heard about the NTU knife attack, I was so saddened (although he was partially Chinese) by the news. The tensions growing as the competition increases and it sucks. But the event of being competitive is really necessary to sieve out the elites from the not. In the process, kids are getting the pressure from the parents to constantly do well, because of the economic recession that the world is facing.

Blame USA then, don't blame us. Well here's the link, because our parents worked so hard for the money to bring us to school, for the food we eat, for the clothes we wear, its only fair that the students "return" the favour by studying hard and try not to fool around.

Define "fool around" people, okay according Dictionary.com, "fool" means to joke, mock, have fun. Parents do not us, children, students, future leaders of tomorrow to "have fun" because they feel that their money is well much worth it. Of course I agree, but on the other side of the coin, I had to disagree because everyone needs a little "fun" in their lives.

My definition of "fun" and yours maybe different from yours. To me, listening to metal relaxes me, and some people may not like the idea, because to put it simply its their own prerogative eh? "Fun" is quite a subjective topic.

I hope parents don't emphasise so much stress on their children because due to this fear of failing/not doing well in any areas of studies/sports for the matter, the gap between the parents and their children are widening without them realising. Children will then to start to lie, because they were much expecting better results from their children.

So prevent from getting scolded they lie, and some of them realise its just good to lie because its become addictive and they couldn't stop for the world. Because to them it feels good. When the stress levels are at its peak, they'll search for other sources of stress relievers, such as pre-marital sex and smoking.

to be continued... [havent edit yet]
---

Yes, maybe my friends were right, my brain has lost all the potential topics to blog about. Maybe their right, I've got no life.

Azman, you'll remain special in my heart forever. I swear by that.

Self-actualisation

2009-03-02T04:21:00.003+08:00

Happy times, are meant to be memories. Anyway, Happy birthday shoutouts to Aliana and Danny-yell. Aliana, my little cooking helper and Danny-yell oh well, Mr. Firestarter? (literally).

Danny, all of us at Sports Council are going to miss you. Wish you all the best in your future endeavours.

Its 0424am, and I just finished completing my assignments, yes even after Common tests are over.

Today is the first day after the major exams, and I'm afaird of its outcome. According to my previous post, I think I've not done enough to improve on my grades. I need more improvisations and initiative on my part.

I know I've been always been a self-motivated girl all this while, I dont need my parents to yell at me to complete my homework, (but I do need them to complete the household chores) or even wake up early to iron my uniform. I don't, because I know I have that certain amount of responsibilty required in me. My parents are growing old and I cant expect them to bark at me to do the slightest things.

It's just so bloody unfair.

Now, I fight my own battle. My own battle of self-actualisation, my ultimate goals in life. I need to ace my 'A' Levels, which is quite a long way to go because I've got tennis, Sports Council, probably soccer and being a student that I've got to juggle with, it's not going to be an easy fight.

But I want to drag myself up from the dirt appearing stronger cause I don't want to lose the fight yet, especially when your already in the middle of the school system of three years. I just do not want to, when I brag about school and its people, please dont be mad at me cause its just a moment of weakness I guess? :)

My weekend was the best weekend ever, and I got pictures to prove it. But I shall not post yet cause I dont have the pictures. I think Ive very much relaxed my mind on Saturday, went crazy at night. Sunday was doubly awesome, and I relaxed much. A well deserved break I say.

It was just an awesome weekend. :) Alright, I'm already done blabbering about my life.

Do update me dancers regarding your opinions about the dance events that are coming up? Thank you and have a nice day, bitches.

Ambitious

2009-02-27T07:54:00.005+08:00

Good morning lovelies, yes I know you might be wondering why am I here instead me studying and despite having my last paper (yayyyy!) in less then six hours from now, its because I got sick of studying my ends of, so yes that's explains everything.

I got an important announcement to make to all my NV Modern dance Pioneer batch. This message is straight from Ms Zu (the shifu) herself so do listen up yaw?

Ms Zu wants us (pioneer's) to render some support on the upcoming SYF this coming April. Yes, I know it's so soon right? Oh my gosh, I still remember the days before we danced in front of the audience, gosh that was so nerve-wrecking, I swear if my arteries could explode from the blood pumping dance moves I swear it will.

However on the 3rd and 4Th of April 2009, she will be hosting an SYF camp for the seniors and the juniors. The details about the camp is not out yet but do not worry we are not the managing committee. She wants us to come down and render some support to the dancers and of course the shifu. Darlings, the 3rd and 4Th April is on a Friday and a Saturday. So please do mark your calenders yaw? :)

Next thing up her mind is a 30-minute non-stop dance marathon on the 10Th of July. Yes, it's in July so quite some time from now. But Maliha needs some help in getting us together and putting up this show a memorable one for the shifu, us and of course the rest of world (cheyyyy!) The shifu wants us to combine all the dances we choreographed from the year 2005 till now. I was also suggesting having solos for everyone (this way we dont have to meet up so often to choreoraph dance steps?), it'll be a huge DANCE REUNION. I was suggesting that during the June holidays (weekends most probably) we could come together and think of possible solutions for this event to be success.

C'mon pioneers, if we could organize such a memorable dance camp a few years ago, what about this? This is possible and anyway it's like giving our last service to Modern Dance.

So people are you with me? By the way people, I miss you so much. Do tag my cbox yeah?

A little loving

2009-02-25T10:56:00.002+08:00

I realized that at difficult times of my life like this, its the most simplest things that could make you happy, smile and even appreciate the things you have around you. Text messages, little notes and a hug really warms the heart and sometimes it can really make your day. I would like to take this opportunity to thank a few people in my life; Rudy, Nuriah, Sri and Dee Kenit for yesterday. You darlings, really made my day.

My grandfather is back home. And I can feel the bad aura whenever his around, I could have never forgiven him for what he has done to my late grandma all my life. Till the end of time, and I can safely assure you that, its more like a promise.

I was thinking about my grandma yesterday and what I missed deeply about her. She is an amazing woman to my eyes and I can safely say that no one else could take over her place in my life. Even not my mother, yes I do love her whole-heartedly no doubt, but my grandma is irreplaceable in my heart.

I miss my grandma and its been eight years since she last left us, it scares me how time flies by so fast and we don't realized it. I'll be turning twenty this year and its the second fact that scares me.

On the outlook I may seem, strong and tough but at difficult situations my heart gets hit first and I'm forced to say I'm a weakling. It's not a label that I'm embarrassed with its the aftermath of the cryings that makes me well... disturbed.

I know I need to sought for help somewhere, but I guess it wont be now because I need to sought things out on my own first. Yes, now I need my quality time alone with me, myself and I. The walls in my room have listened to my cries a million and one times but in the process no one came to comfort me. No one.

I was afraid that if ever I thought to myself that I'm such a weakling, I may seem uncool and petty. But that's not what I sought after, I sought for a little loving.

And that's all. Some people might think that love is not the most important thing in the world, well as for me, I want it to be the most important thing in the world.

Love someone today or you might regret it.

Im not dead yet

2009-02-23T05:11:00.003+08:00

I know I'm so yesterday, but I find Saving Abel as accomplised as Nickelback and Daughtry. Listen to them if your a new rocker listener.

Hello world, its: 0514hrs in Singapore right now.

In a matter of a few more hours I'll be sitting for one of the major exams in Yr 2 life, that is the Common Tests. Surprisingly I've been rather calm this few days, when I feel my friends panicking in every instance. First up will be the General Paper, the comprehension part. I guess it's my forte as compared to essay writing. I have to admit, my essays are never great although I thought they were in the beginning.

This CT's will determine whether the Advanced cases in the YR 2 deserve to stay of just forgo it and retained at Yr 1. Who ever said MI is not tough, you are bloody wrong my fellow friends, darn wrong.

I've started revising at the last minute although I have to say its rather unhealthy because my weekend was rather unproductive. Let me list down what I did over the weekends...

1) Ate alot of high carbohydrate food, which could potentially block my arteries.
2) Had MacDonald's for a late night supper.
3) Played Scarface on PS2.
4) Nadia came over on Saturday, that was nice. Babe, I did miss you.
5) I had religious classes (don't laugh at me) which was productive and conclusive.

Yes, and that's it, or did I mention that I studied? Of course I didn't, because during the weekends I simply didn't. Yes, I'm the procrastinator on the loose.

The Sports Council shirt is on its way and I can't believe that I handled everything by myself. Well, I try to quote the best price for my President and Im glad that she is satisfied with the price. Oh well, its okay I guess going to be wearing on Sports Fiesta because its OUR event.

Student councillors watch out man. God, I cant believe I wrote such a childish line. Lol.

I want to go Sentosa on Saturday to sunbathe, bathe in the sea, have a picnic and run about in our rather large bikini. Should I ask Rudy along? Or he might get a different idea all together.

My ex-bf of 3 years, who migrated to Canada is coming to Singapore for term break this weekend and I cant wait to meet him. Oh man, I missed so very much :)

Rudy, you've been on my mind the whole weekend, twenty-four-seven. And it's scares me. I hope you wont figure out the changes in me around you. And I hope in your mission in pursuing my rival in school, you wont forget me, the little friend you have who cried to you when her weaknesses get the best of her.

I hope you wont forget me. And that's all that I need.

Back from KL

2009-02-16T06:05:00.002+08:00

Yo readers, back from KL.

Yes, I don't sound excited because it was such a let down. I bought more necessities I guess, a school bag which is much needed because my Wilson is screaming in my ear to get changed.

Now its a Prince, such a pretty Prince.

Kuala Lumpur was disappointing because I had to carry my assignments along to spoil the fun. For the fact that Common tests are barging into my life in 7 days, yes I'm not happy.

My fucking grandfather has not been back for a record of 4 days. Good, because he has been a pain in our asses ever since he stepped his ass into this house. He can fucking kill himself from the thirty-first floor and jump with all I care, because I couldnt be bothered.

Fuck, sometimes I realized that I'm turning kinda sadist this few days.

Oh yeah, not to mention Valentines? I had chocolates, letters, cards, lollipops as gifts. I had rochers and happy sticks too. Who needs a boyfriend, when you can have all theses in under just one day.

I bought Rudy something special and I ain't telling what is it. Fuck, do you know that he has been on my mind the entire time when I was in KL, yes I did miss him.

Of course I didnt mean it when I said I didn't want a boyfriend. Maybe I should have one, I should channel some attention and my romantic side to someone who deserves it.

Nuriah was happy on Valentines day, and I'm very happy for her. I wished Rudy gave me a note too, Ill rather appreciate that more then sweet substances which could possible bring more harm then good to our little bodies.

Did I tell you that Rudy is just plain amazing. He makes me happy by just reading his texts over and over again. I dont think I'm in love with him yet, but when I'm falling in love, I'll let you people know.

Rudy, you are just extraordinary.

Fuck Valentines

2009-02-13T15:41:00.003+08:00

Is there a time in your life when you are suppose to have fun and be there to make someone else happy, but your heart, mind and soul is somewhere else?

I'm experiencing it right now, readers. And I hate the feeling.

Nowadays even watching the telly doesn't make me happy anymore. I think its the post-menstrual syndrome. At this stage of a girl's menstrual cycle, they will get really emotional and sensitive over little things.

I've been crying to my hearts content. And I know its unhealthy, last night I didn't even sleep a bit. I was lonely, sensitive and hurt.

And all I was able to do was cry, cry and cry.

Fuck I sound fucking low now, and on the way to school this morning I hated the journey. It was long, dry and wet. Yes, there were tears in my eyes. But all I could do was just wipe them off with the tip of my fingers. My tears trickled down my fingers and causing a pool of water to form on my palms.

All I could do was look at myself, thinking that I'm such a weakling when it comes to stress and problems in my life.

And I realize at moments like these, you wish you had someone to call out your own. Call out when you need them, call out when your eyes are all wet, call out when your lips are dying to swear, call out for some attention.

Yes, what I meant was a man you can depend on. The man that makes you laugh over the slightest things. Makes you smile, just by listening to his voice. Your just overjoyed that someone's there who cares.

I'm lucky I have someone that I could call out when my voice sounds weird and rusty. He was there last night, and I'm glad he did.

Thank you so much my friend.

My parents are still in the state of shock, and I can feel their dilemma. I wish I could do something to enlighten their load. Do something to make this agony end, do something to make it all stop.

But sometimes even a strong girl like me seem so helpless at times like this.

Fuck, everything never comes to end when that old man comes around. I fucking hate him, and if I had a choice I would fucking kill him with my bare hands and throw his body out at the Singapore River.

I fucking swear.

I'm leaving for KL tonight hoping to have a good time to spend with Mummy, but now seems that the tables have turned.

I'll be away for 3 days, please don't miss me.

Fuck the Valentine's wishes, Happy Friendship Day y'all.

My spectrum of feelings when Im with you

2009-02-07T09:07:00.003+08:00

My sweetest escape.

Dear Rudy (not his real name),

I can't believe this feelings are growing in me again. I'm afraid of the consequences of this feelings. I'm not even sure if this feelings are real. If they are, by any chance (I don't think he'll even notice my true feelings) I don't want to lose that friendship I forged with you all this while.

Rudy, I'm not even sure if its really you that I want, or is it the companion. But I know something, whenever I'm with you I feel happy, satisfied and I'm allowed to laugh to my hearts content and don't care about what the people say (like I care even in the first place)

Yes, Rudy my social life is pretty sad now. And that song by Soko is so relevant to my love life now. I'm one person who's hard to fall in love and unfortunately hard for me to fall out of love. I don't need a day called Valentines Day to make me feel special because everyday is Valentines whenever Im with you.

And when I'm around you, you make me feel special. I love gazing into your eyes, and I told myself, not to look so hard in those mysterious eyes of yours or you might notice something different about me.

But if I do want to go through this feelings, Im already going against my new year resolution for this year, but I'm certain of something...

You make me feel special whenever I'm with you.

I'm back la bodo

2009-02-03T12:15:00.001+08:00

Alright Nuruljanna Marican is back.

I know its been too long since I last blogged and the period of the dissapearance I've been slavering my ass of to complete assignments and after assignments. But not to worry I'm back but not entriely online because I'll be going on a hiatus again atleast till the end of the week.

Not much of a killer, but school has been slaughtering the Yr 2's till the end of their asses. And yes theres nothing fun about it. On top of that I have SPC duties to do and which is really draining the body.

Pe lesson was bearable and I just lost my willingness to blog. Okay bye.

Hiatus

2009-01-26T16:34:00.002+08:00

Dear Serene Conspiracy readers,

This realm will be on a rather long HIATUS mode till further notice, well at least until school doesn't make my life a leaving hell. Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

Love, Nuruljanna Marican

Kill me

2009-01-22T10:23:00.003+08:00

Warning: this post is going to be a whiny post, so beware.

Its barely half of the month since school started and it seems very draining. The distance is enough to spoil the whole morning, I have squeeze my rather large frame into the trains which is super-packed with creatures called Singaporeans who rather not bathe in the morning because they are rather fearful of the morning waters in Singapore. Whats wrong with spending just ten minutes to bathe? You know why they don't? It is believed that the coldness from the water may make their bones brittle as they get older.

So can you explain to me, why the older generation [mainly: the forgetful and the hagged humans called senior citizens expecially] still could literally race into the fully packed trains to get a sit? Surely, they dont look old and fragile to me?

Okay, I know Im sound pretty whiny already but these are just one of the many problems that Im facing with daily. I know I sound like sadictic. Oh well, who gives a rat's ass anyway...

Okay, brother I'm in school and not at home. Please believe me okay?

These below are enough to spoil my holidays and because the teachers are ready to kill the Yr 2's. Shit, when you come to think of it, it sucks to wake up in the wee hours of the morning to finish your assignments before you a get a pretty handsome scolding, or even nice a detention.

Alright enough. Here it is:

1) Complete H1 Physics tutorials and assignments.
2) Complete South East Asia History Essay by Thursday.
3) Plan for GP Timed Assignment Essay and decide on which question to complete.
4) Read the "How the Macroeconomy Works" notes and O' Sullivan Economics book over the week.
5) International History UN assignments: Pg 3 of Q1 & 2.
6) Malay Book Review. Fish la, got to get this over and done with already.
7) Read the UN Case Studies of Qn 1 &2. International History.
8) Read new GP notes on Paragraph managment.

Okay, can somebody kill me?

---

Happy 21st Birthday Fabian. Well, where ever you are anyway. Because you just suddenly vanished from my life. I hope when your reading this you know that you still remain in my mind after so long. I still do care about our friendship, I still do.

FOB live in Singapore

2009-01-19T11:09:00.003+08:00

Hello world,

This morning was started off pretty badly since I was one HOUR early for school which eventually sucks big time, well not entirely sucky because I got to spend some quality time with the best friend at the Cafe. So I guess it wasn't entirely that bad. I miss her, shes on the way to NUS, School of Engineering for a field trip while I'm here slavering at the Computer Laboratory trying to complete my assignments before I have Management later.

Gosh, sometimes life sucks sometimes.

Here I am, typing my post here while James Morrison is in my ears singing to me, "when the pieces don't fit anymore...". Suddenly I feel so sober, I don't why I'm so sober these few days, I guess is the lack of rest and the lack of love.

Lol, that was so random.

Oh well, Ive got nothing to update actually, oh yeah except for the fact that I passed my 2.4km trial-run with flying colours, well at least it was a pass. And I lost another 3 kilos which is (double OMG) and so in total is 18kilos and counting.

See, even a fat bitch like me can loose so much lard in her body, so I guess so can you. You just need a little discipline and more hard work :)

As you can very well see, I'm starting to blabber tonnes of nonsense because I decided to procrastinate and waste time to type this bloody post instead of doing my Management readings.

Janna, please stop procrastinating, just stop. Okay, I know this is random but I feel as though I can eat a whole buffalo and yes including the bones and its bone marrow. God, I sound so disgusting.

I heard over at Channel News Asia this morning that the bloody military from the Jews are withdrawing from the Gaza strip. Finally after all the prayers, the Muslims prayers are answered. God you are the greatest.

Fallout Boy is coming to Singapore and I bet I'm going to give it a pass again. Damn, Pete Wentz, such a talented man. Don't blame me Pete, blame school for not coming for your concert.

Sigh...

Killed and slaughtered

2009-01-17T22:22:00.003+08:00

The fire that burns me.

Life sucks, first week of school almost killed me. Running for classes, meeting every teachers expectations and standards, teachers think they rule the world.

After nearly a decade of not doing lines for wrong answers, I finally had to do it for the most lamest reasons and don't ask me to explain to you. Its a hell of a stupid story to even tell anyway.

I'm typing the third paragraph of my post and I'm beginning to sound even more boring then ever. Ah, I know I sound of so stupid right now.

God, I sound so freaking boring. I shall end here, and am contemplating to open a stall at the Lime Flea Market to sell of my remaining Lelonggsite items on sale. Ideas please?

I'm done.

Misses

2009-01-16T19:11:00.005+08:00

As the sun sets on earth, remember the people who are dying over in Palestine. May Allah help in your darkest hour.

Dear best friend,

I'm very much so touched by your post. The truth of the matter is, I feel as though I'm neglecting our crazy friendship. Because our breaks are never the same, and if we saw each other in school it has to be pure luck.

And I have to say this, I can never spell forever friends, without you. Because you are very special to me, and not mention my first week of school is crazy. GP tutors have definitely scared us to death regarding PW. I was afraid that I won't be able to group me with cool, cooperative, vocal and quirky group mates, because if they don't, I'll skin my tutor alive.

I miss the times when I get real blur for which room to go for lessons and all. And you were there to guide me along. God, I miss those times.

And yes, you are greatly missed by me too. And not to mention I love you so much Sri Nurulhuda.

---

How about school you asked? It's crazy. And that's about it.

My first day of school in 2009

2009-01-12T19:49:00.002+08:00

Mr X, stop sending me sweet emails, and sweet messages because I ain't buying them anymore. I'm not eighteen and gullible under your spell. I'm turning twenty and I got exams to sit, unlike you wasting your life at void decks and wasting your precious teenage life strumming guitars and smoking your life away endlessly.

Take my word, I don't love you anymore Mr X. Your just a chapter from my past, and I don't wish to reminisce them. You had to spoil my day.

I don't like love anymore, and I don't ever think I'll fall in love ever again.

---

My first day of school was entirely poor un-syiokness because I'm in a weird looking class, with weird looking people and lastly with weird combination of subjects.

Sigh, I feel so demoralized.

To add worsen my day, Mr Tang is not taking my class for Economics lesson anymore. I'm definitely worried now, because I'm not sure if I could get use to a whole new teacher and whole new teaching style especially a subject like Economics.

I feel so sad in that class today.

I just feel that I need time to heal because they say time will tell if your friends or foes. I'm not able to see the best friend everyday even, probably during morning assemblies and even during breaks.

Sigh, I sighed quite a number of times today. I just feel so out of place, although I do have Zhi Rong and Jia Hao with me.

I guess I need time to adapt.

There are so many things that I want to tell to my faithful readers, such as my feelings and how high my classes now because most of them its on the 4Th and 3rd floor. Yes, most probably taking my leg muscles to action.

Councillors now have to stand in a line during the morning assembly because we are student leaders, then I went like, "kental sia". Alright, this year's overview of the subjects is crazy and I cant believe that it's going to be that hectic.

This year will be crazy.

Not to mention, finally after three long years I passed my 'O' Level maths when I checked online today. It's not great but I'm very glad that after all the exams, classes after classes, it all paid of. I'm just happy.

Oh yes an additional point, the situation in Gaza is worsening and there's nothing I can do about it. My brothers and sisters, there are suffering and I cant help but just deliver prayers to them. Sigh, I hope God is able to help you, my siblings.

Alright, I'm running out of topics to tell you. Enough its enough, got to hit back my books.

Love you all.

For Weiling

2009-01-11T10:56:00.003+08:00

My sugar rush at night.

My malay book review is impossible if not for this, dictionary.

The baby shower souvenier I gotten from yesterday's afternoon fucntion.

Cadbury's chocolate fudge, not so nice.

The malay book review is killing me.

Red Light.

Economics pages to read before Mr Tang skins us alive.

Sugar rushes.

My new mini fridge in blue.

900th post, 1st class gathering

2009-01-10T11:06:00.008+08:00

This how I look like with only 6 hours of sleep. I shall watermark all my pictures from nowon, and don't ask me why.

I realise that love could sometimes kill and heal you, I mean can you imagine the most wildest things that could a heartbroken drunkard lover would do? Probably find himself a high-rise block of flats and then he suddenly had an urge to fly but of course he ended up like Icarus.

I guess, ignoring your internal feelings are the best and place your attention some where else. In this way, your killing two birds with one stone and that is, not getting involve with feelings and you have better concentration on things.

See, I made my whole point.

Sri Nurulhuda, the best friend and I.

Our class chalet yesterday was a huge success, although I have to say when the night falls and the options engaging ourselves with an activity were pretty lack-ful too. Nonetheless, I had a blast. A huge thank you to the managing committe namely: Farah, Hafizah, Zul, Sri, Abu and myself :)

The boys were pretty helpful at barbecuing the food [crab sticks, the girls super delicious marinated chicken wings, sataty, otahs, my Mee Siam and Farah's Mee Kway Teow and etc], everyone gave good feedback well I hope its full with honesty and what so ever.

It was nice, sitting [I guess more like lepak] and chatting the night away. I guess when school starts on Monday everyone will be busy mending their own MI life. Sigh, I love my class people, they are whole loads of fun.

My prayers goes out to them, to my brothers and sisters of different mothers and fathers in Palestine. May God help you all in times of need, fuck the Jews.

Ms Nora came at night to our humble little chalet and its good when you have a teacher to be there listening to the typical teenager problems. I guess this makes a whole load of sense when you teach, you inspire other students. Of course this may not be entirely true.

With the help of endless smoke from the barbeque, Zahrah's truckloads of Lux shampoo and minyak Orang-aring, my hair smells like shit. Thank you eh...

We took a million and one pictures when were were at the chalet with Farah's credits of course, shes the photographer. Thanks for the camera girl.

My 08A5: I've never met another beautiful class like ours, I guess one night can never be enough, I wish we had more nights to spend with each, snuggle you people till the sun comes up, if God is kind enough to give me another day to spent with all you people, I wish to tell you all, how much I love you people. Sigh, I wish there were more then 24 hours to spend with you.

I really do [despite the motherfucking bitches who are on my nerves the last year], still I love you all. You people are amazing-ly fun, funny, sarcastic, happy and cheerful load of people I've ever met.

And to those who are having relationship problems, fuck love, just lead your life.

Oh yes, updated Lelonggsite with goodies :) Do drop by.

New phone, new class, new year

2009-01-08T20:12:00.003+08:00

Neither a Navigator, a F480 nor a E71. Its the Sony Ericsson's C920 Cybershot in Luscious Red, bodoh.

Damn it, I just deserved a new phone. Although this phone is nothing like what I dreamt about, but so far so good. The best part is a touch screen menu for picture taking and a slide out 5.0 mega pixel camera is the best function ever.

Oh anyway, I've changed my phone number, please ask for it if you do want it yeah? And by the way, do provide an email address for me to send my phone number to, duh bodoh or what?

My money is spent pretty wisely, I shall strike it of my wish list soon enough.

I know Ive wrote a pretty disturbing post before this and it got many people worried and they were asking me if I was alright. Yes, maybe I am but maybe I'm not. I'm just not in the right state of mind, so yeah please do forgive me.

Not to mention my holidays are coming to an end. To be exact in three days time. New year, new classes, new friends, and a new phone. I bet with so many changes, I hope that I can retain old relationships.

Sigh, life has been unfair.

My old habit is kicking in and I hate the fact. But I don't think Ill be quitting the habit anytime soon, it sucks but its great at the same time, no? Oh well what will you fuckers understand anyway?

Sial, ponyo were on my fucking nerves when brother was singing it to me just now. Damn annoying old fish.

Oh sial, I've run out of topics to talk about. Oh yeah, I've a class chalet that Committee is seriously working on tomorrow and I hope my Mee Siam will turn out nice, I'm fucking nervous la sial, oh by the way I'm looking forward to see my darlings from 08A5.

I'm going fucking miss all of you, yes from this old bitch, I love you all.

Am I a mistake?

2009-01-05T08:40:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was one of the worst nights I've ever slept on. I cried myself to sleep, wailed on for hours till I grew tired of it and finally did some revising.

Of which I thought to myself as I face out at the window in my room, if ever my birth into this world a mistake made by God?

I bet Mum thinks I'm a sore in the face, in her wallet and even to her family. I make everyone in the house unhappy and just because I'm just self-centered enough. I hate being self-centered although I have to admit its really not my nature.

I cant believe myself I'm penning my thoughts, crying, crying for help, for some love, a shoulder or a hug. But I realised Ive no one to turn too when my tears start to fall again. Sometimes you gotta depend on yourself, and no one is going to say its okay baby, every things going to be alright.

I guess I should have just listened to my practical thoughts and just ignore my feelings, the very sayings of the heart. And only this way will I achieve success in the future. However, I'm glad for this tears because it makes me a stronger person inside, a stronger girl overcoming her emotions.

Sometimes even a strong girl breaks down, and when she got no one of going to catch her.

I made brother pretty pissed yesterday and I cant help feeling fucked myself. Because I hate being in an argument with my brother, because after the whole ordeal I'll feel fucking lonely and I start to think of wild things that I shouldn't even be thinking about.

And I hate myself right now. [I think Im having self-esteem problems again.]

I wrote brother a note saying that I'm sorry and that I never mean to make him unhappy but I wished that he understands me more. Like he always did, he changed ever since his girlfriend enters his life. I guess I don't know whats wrong with him either, his just not the same.

This goes out to everyone if I've inflict any kind of pain, suffering, misery or sadness, intentionally or accidentally, I'm very sorry.

When I need a best friend to hear me out, cry my lungs out to her, she's never there. Cause shes out there somewhere, although I miss her I realised that Ive got to accept that I may not see her very often.

I guess at moments like this you start missing everyone you've long met and you wished that everyone you missed will line up in a queue to give a warm hug and even a "Miss you" note.

But everything is too good to be true.

When I'm upset I made jewelry and yesterday I made tonnes of them that will be on sale at my Lelonggsite. I'll update you people again when its fully loaded into the site ya? I made rings, brooches, necklaces and so much more.

I wish I could just study till I drop because studying keeps my mind off things and it doesn't allow my mind to idle around. And I wish I wont inflict pain and suffering to the people I love and care so much.

But I'm only a human, and they do make mistakes. My eyes are swollen from yesterday's crying and I don't know if I have any mood to go NV today. I guess pushing myself there will keep my mind of stupid things which I was tempted to do at 1:27am this morning.

I was very much tempted too, but I was afraid, simply because I'm not ready for death.

Love, Janna

Awesome day it has been

2009-01-03T16:19:00.003+08:00

Just great, on the third day of the New Year, Mum isn't talking to me because her ego refused to talk to me.

The other day I refused to go to the shops because I was feeling lethargic and lazy and since then she aint talking to me. And refuse to put aside her ever growing ego for the sake of her own daughter.

Yes, just great.

Feeling guilty, I fixed all her bracelets and even made her a new one made of golds, yellow and reds and still she ain't budging her ego stand. Okay, great I shall collect my bursary tomorrow without her because she dosent realize how bloody hard I worked for that bursary.

Yes, Im the dumbass daughter that she gave birth almost twenty years ago who is lazy, fat, ugly and stupid. How unlucky she is to have a daughter like me, might as well feed my fat body to the dogs and Im sure they wont eat till Christmas.

Okay, thanks, that's all.

Dear God,

2009-01-02T19:17:00.004+08:00

Dear God,

Another year passed, an another year to overcome with bravery, honesty and love. Dear God, please enlighten my torment when it is much needed, show me the light to overcome this year, bestow your angels by my side when I'm in trouble :)

Dear God, please release the torment that the Palestinians are facing against the Israel's, You say in he Holy Quran that You'll help your kind, aren't Palestinians your kind, the people you created from soil and clay? Where You asked Your angels to give these clays a new lease of life, a purpose to lead life, but why are they suffering like this? Its undeserving God, very.

Did You forget them God? Did you God?

Please enlighten their burden, enlighten their tough times, end the blood shed and destroy the bloody Jews because they do not deserve even an ounce of sympathy. Please God, I am here to beg you to work your wonderful magic for those who needs them the most, the Palestinians.

Please dear God, Your our only hope. God, just this once.

Love, Nuruljanna Marican (your slave)

Credit Crunch is expected in 2009

2008-12-31T12:28:00.006+08:00

A pretty clear explanation about the term Credit Crunch recommended by Mr. Tang.

Despite being in a pretty slow developing economic situation, people are spending pretty unwary about their limitations. I should take to account to myself, because Ive been spending unwisely. When I come to think of next year, I'm very unprepared. Honestly Ive not been studying regularly ever since the holidays kicked in and not to mention Ill be in class full of strangers next year and I hate making friends on the first day of school.

Yes, I know sigh all you want.

You know those people talk about new year resolutions and wishes for next year when you know by the end of next year only 20%-30% of your resolutions are met? Its pretty annoying when girls nowadays blog about having boyfriends out of the ordinary, rich, charming, understanding and all but they don't understand that not all men are like that, [unless you are the son of Sultan of Brunei of course].

It gets pretty annoying.

So a message to all the girls out there, they isn't much that could be done to your current boyfriends or crushes but believing that they'll change too is a far away stigma. Oh well, all girls have dreams do they, not entirely are made believe.

Ah, what am I blabbering about again. I think the thought of a 2009 tomorrow is killing my nerves. Im nervous regarding next year, maybe I shall start studying today?

Maybe I should.

Dance yesterday was horrible. I was controlling my temper for a pretty long time, during practice I didn't even insert the rest of the choreo yesterday. I was disappointed, tired, exhausted and pissed with them. But it it ended with tears for them, since I did a set of grueling drills in conjunction with Oyc and Azhar [thanks guys for coming].

Yes, we made them cry. I was 30% at fault because I accepted the idea from Oyc to them when they didn't deliver the standard that was expected from them. It gets pretty annoying.

I guess, the juniors will think twice if they start to slack again during their next practice, but eventually I did apologize to them for being harsh and all. But when I come to think of it, maybe I shouldn't. They should have apologized to us, well of course they didn't. Mu darling juiors do improve on your steps, think of your other dancers, your a team make believe you can make it.

I want to thank Oyc and Azhar for coming down yesterday, you people are such darlings, ah my heroes.

Lets all pull our socks, work hard, play hard for the upcoming year 2009. Lets hope that 2009 will be a beautiful year for everyone. Let's hope... it will be a happy new year.

Circumstances

2008-12-28T18:43:00.004+08:00

Hello fellow readers,

You know when you had one of those days that everything does not go your way after a morning of smiles and laughter? Do you have those moments in your life? Oh well, I just had it this afternoon, and I hate the feeling of being rejected, not by boys, but by Mobile phone providers, Starhub, Singtel and M1.

I hate the feeling.

Since my parents were free after the mosque hearings today, so I suggested to get my phone since I got my bursary money (the letter came to the mail on Thursday, happy like crazy). Of course I'm intending to pay her back the money when I do get it (sial, must go up stage and all, embarrassing sial).

Warning: I'm whining, and I whine pretty vulgar-ly.

Anyway, we went to Singtel first at Compass Point and this whole load of never-bathe-Singaporeans( can tell from the look on their faces) cramped into that Singtel shop that was super tiny. And I was pretty uncomfortable already from the beginning, it took a fucking long time to finally decide on a phone and when I decided on the Samsung F480 and decided to get a new line, they fucking say its out of stock.

Samsung F480.

The Samsung Omnia was too expensive for Mum to buy for me, so I just settled on the second best (see, what a filial daughter I am).

I nearly broke down and cried. My face showed disappointment and I couldn't help but feel so depressed after the whole Singtel experience. Fuck Singtel.

Then my brother suggested to go M1, maybe they had better deals, anyway I was getting a new line so that I get a cheaper phone. When I saw this pretty white phone that I fell in love on first sight it was the Nokia E71 and they has promotion for two days only, which was yesterday and today.

Nokia E71

After queueing for a good 45 minutes, it came to my turn and I immediately asked the guy to calculate the total price of the Nokia E71 (line, plan and phone) and the Samsung F480, when he abruptly said, the E71 out of stock and the Samsung F480 comes only in brown.

Fuck the time I wasted I queued through the whole line. Fuck M1.

Defeated, I suggested to go home cause I couldn't stand the rejection anymore and just forget the idea of buying the phone.

Brother opened his mouth again and suggested going to Starhub at the ground level. Oh well, I kept my hopes up and hope that I'll bring a well deserved good phone home. The Starhub shop was generally empty before I came in and the line I was queued was really a good 45 minutes.

Nokia 6210 Navigator in Red.

Yes, I was patiently waiting for the bloody cockeyed Chinese guy to serve me. When it finally.... came to my turn, he said that the Nokia E71 was $398 (total price), the Samsung F480 only comes in Pink (which is like a bloody pussy colour) and the Navigator the Nokia 6210 came only in black and no red.

I was like, "fuck you people" in my mind of course. Damn, I was extremely exhausted after all the experience. I realised I couldn't stand rejection bravely and rationally, I get pretty emotional and will start blabbering nonsense, like what I'm doing now.

Well, I hope when my bursary finally comes in cold hard cash, Ill get to buy my phone. Please God, please allow me to get a new phone, cause my phone deserves to die in the toilet bowl. Thank you.

I'm done.

Boyfriend and Love

2008-12-27T21:00:00.005+08:00

A message for the love of my life, somewhere out there :)

Girls, have this intention to dream too much. They dream for a handsome prince, a beautiful castle, a 40ft walk in wardrobe, a mountain high of cash and blings and many more. But they didnt realise in that dream it self, its you who get carried away, carried away by their "fantasies". Mum used to say it's okay to dream, but dream big and work for it.

So hereby I'm working on it, see the message I typed at the picture above, this is the prove that Im working on it. It may not be super publicity of what so ever, atleast the effort is there.

Well I hope the idea will prevail then? :)

I don't really expect much for the love of my life, if we could work on our monthly incomes and be cooperative I don't mind working (of course he has to work), and by the time I get back home after the stressful day at work, I'll go grocery shopping for dinner. Probably I'll say to myself, I'll get Kway Teow and Light Soya Sauce. It's Fried Kway Teow night, which happens to be both our favourites. (yes my husband got to love fried kway teow because I make the best kway teow ever, hands down)

Anyway, he'll come back and I'll open the door and give a little smooch on his lips and carry his heavy briefcase in. He'll loosen his tie and I give another kiss on his nose to indicate to him theres something special in store for him. (theres something special for him that night, other than the kway teow of course).

He'll have his warm bathe, with Ginvera Green Tea shower gel and I'll love the smell of the soap on his body. It leaves him fresh and stunningly delicious. And back in the kitchen, after slaving over the stove, its all done, candles, and rose petals scattered over the dining table. It's time for our simple and romantic dinner.

He was shocked as he hold at the back of the chair and he turned to the left and gazed into my eyes. As he holds my chin and wrap me tightly into his arms, I felt like flying. Flying in love. He holds his gaze, and hold the temptation in his eyes, as I cheekily unwrapped the folds of his arm and gave him a whisper, "not now darling".

He'll smile and thank me for the dinner I made.

After the last kway teow has been swallowed and devoured, we poured some sparkling grape juice (we cant have wine cause its wrong to drink so...) and gave a toast to our happily married life. The day may not be my anniversary, his nor my birthday but a man like that deserves a surprise almost everyday, isn't it?

As he helped with the dishes in the kitchen and blew of the candles for the evening. Our hands filled with soap and we looked at each other in the eyes and awed by God's creation. I thank God everyday for a man I fell so deeply with and turns out to be an angel in our marriage.

He walked slowly towards me and whisk my long wavy hair away and caressed my neck and I felt a tinge of sexy. Under his breath, he told me he loves me and he will always will. And I whisper in his ear, "I'll love you if leave me doing the dishes okay?" and gave him a cheeky smile

Disappointed, he walked away and gave a pat on my bums to hurry the dishes. Cause he cant wait for our night, our sexy and crazy night that he is patiently waiting...

Liars

2008-12-24T23:11:00.009+08:00

(Left: Before Airbrush technique, and Right: After Airbrush technique)

Do not believe what your seeing in magazines because this is the technique to make models on the covers seem flawless and stunning. I even changed the colour of my eyes. Adobe Photoshop CS3 is and amazing cheat :)

Let's start a riot

2008-12-24T14:06:00.008+08:00

Sorini chocolates from Cocoa Trees are entirely organismic-ly awesome. They are smooth and milky, nutty and heavenly, just the way I liked it :)

Fellow readers,

I know Ive not updated for a day and I apologise for the disappearance is just that I had a ultra busy day yesterday till I was too shagged to start writing my thoughts on my online realm here.

Oh yes, dance yesterday was hardcore. Jasmine came and finished her part of her choreo within a day. It was amazing, there was a lot of wacking and sleek moves of which I expected out of Jasmine, it is Jasmine Yap we are talking about here. Sadly, we only a few times to talk to each other and relax because she was in a hurry to somewhere else. So yeah :(

Whats only left is my part of the choreo and I must say the whole dance is taking place. Azhar was a greathelp yesterday too, he was amazing like usual. He gave good comments and we improved on my choreography. Since we have pretty shy guys, we made them walk then expressing themslves. I thought it was a brilliant move.

Ms Hidayah was really awesome at counting, and by the end of dance I was exhausted. I was really exhausted, I guess I've never put myself in this position for almost two years and oh boy, my muscles ached like crazy.

But of course its damn satisfying. Thanks for the awesome dance practice, Jasmine, Azhar and Ms Hidayah, you people are such darlings.

Plus, I met Alhammy after so long. Oh man I miss the guy, I hope your sore eyes gets better. Get some eyemore or something, get well soon dude. Next time, its your treat man.

Bestie's performance at Republic Poly with Millennians.

On the 19Th of December, the girls and I went to Republic Poly for the best friend's Angklung performance and surprisingly I didn't fall asleep. The band was alright, but the Angklung were awesome, very entertaining. Since, I had no appreciation for this genre of music I was hesitant to go, but kawan nye hal, I did go eventually.

And it was worth every dime :)

Not to mention, Mum bought the new Lenovo computer and as a matter of fact, I'm blogging with the new computer right now and I'm ecstatic. It's like a new play thing for me, you get all excited, and you love every part of it (okay I'm kidding), gawd it's like a new boyfriend.

Wow, its amazing I connect technology and boys :) Both are pretty right?

Fucked up iPod, my red machine is loose. The hold part of the player is loose. Damn, that Chinese old ah pek. I swear I'll cut his dick into small pieces and cook curry and feed them to the dogs if I ever see him again. Fucked up old dick.

Uh, I feel better. Oh yes I got a message to you: Stop showing your intimate moments with your boyfriend on MSN because is so sickening. I bet everyone thinking, who in the right state of mind would do such a thing, grab his dick and rub it with all I care, can you fucking stop it, bitch? Thanks.

Guns and Roses: Chinese Democracy. Rating: 4.5/5.

Alright maybe I'm a little bias on the rating because this is one of my favourite rock bands of all time and one of the reasons why I started to have a liking for rock and metal in the first place at a tender age of 12. Axl Rose is such a hot stuff. Amazing vocals and charisma, sigh his an old hot-stuff. If you've have a liking for old school rock, listen to Guns and Roses and you'll love them, like I did. Some of the songs that I like from the new album is If The World and Better.

Listen to them today! I'm done :)

Lets Rumba tonight, love

2008-12-22T18:25:00.004+08:00

Love are like lilies, they are only pretty when their fresh and new.

Yes, its me again.

And I survived the choreography session today, and I'm so relieved that I completed almost one minute of the song. And so far I'm still alive. The juniors are very attentive and they are keen to learn (suprisingly and I have a list of favourite dancers already), and they tell me that they liked the steps (don't know if its really what they think or their just being nice to me), and Im glad they did :)

It was really hard I guess, I think the youtube-ing sessions I had for hours had paid of, its just lifting the steps that I saw and experimented and just vomiting them out. A sense of satisfaction, indeed.

My choreo has a lot of drama, frustration, sadness and disagreements and I hope that the audience would understand what were the dancers trying to portray.

You know what, this feels strange, I feel as though this moment has happened before. Oh yes, its dejavu.

Did I mention my Mum bought a set of computer yesterday, we bought a Lenovo desktop which is definitely not classy but definiately durable and long lasting. It was going for only $999 and we get a free Canon Inkjet printer. Now we got to wait for the table to arrive on Friday then we'll fix it up together. Oh I can't wait.

Another random thought, I think Twilight is so over-rated because which ever blog I read it's either about Edward Cullen or the god-damn love story. So yeah big deal his vampire and all, its so annoying. Why let yourself live in a fantasy world and hoping that your current boyfriend changes to a sexy and hot vampire when it dosent even exist in the first place?

This kind of books are indirect cheats of the white supremacy out of your moolahs. I mean why put yourself into your position whereby its never going to happen. Alright, I'm being to involve in this topic but the idea is that stop dreaming ladies, wake up six!

It aint going to happen. I shall end here because Im beginning to sound like a total bore and not to mention I have steps to experiment. Dancers, pe shirt and long black pants tomorrow :)

Gavin Rossdale - Love Remains the Same
Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending

I never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You're pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But love remains the same

Dance with my tonight

2008-12-21T23:05:00.005+08:00

Neyo - Make it Work.

Oh my I miss dancing, especially heart pumping hip hop. I guessed my decision to hang my dancing shoes is not over just yet since Ive got another assignment up my sleeves. Yes, like what Azhar said "I dug my own grave".

I'll be choreographing a hip hop routine for my fellow juniors of Modern Dance back in NVSS.

Please tell me I'm insane, Ive not been dancing but Ive been experimenting which is a good thing. Ill be officially starting my "job" tomorrow at 9:30am in school. I bet when I even start dancing it'll be too tiring for me. Dancing is tiring, but the exhaustion is satisfying I guess.

Oh boy I miss dancing really, I wished I had someone to guide me tomorrow, like probably Jasmine will come up but you know she's busy and all. Oh well, I guess the best help sometimes is self-help.

I guess I'm doing this both for Ms Zu and for myself. Ms Zu, because shes been a great help throughout my secondary school life, and for myself well because I've not been actively participating myself in healthy heart pumping activities for a pretty long time.

So I guess, I won't be regretting this move then? :)

I'm not even sure if I could pull this off, but I guess when Ms Zu has faith in me, I'll probably have to deliver with my heart and soul. This is the dance group that I grew to be a better dancer, and since then I knew Ryan. Which is probably a dance guru from heaven.

He is amazing at what he does, oh yeah he has started choreographing for NV's 2009 SYF dance piece already and as expected I'm awed by his choreography. Ryan Tan, you are amazing, unfortunately race and religion has hindered me from achieving and improving this deep talent of mine so I shall only watch you from afar.

Still, Ryan you are amazing.

Oh by the way, he teaches at O School, here is the link.

Enjoy your holidays everyone!

Twilight is over-rated

2008-12-20T20:57:00.004+08:00

I bought La Senza bras, a dress, La Senza thongs, Marks and Spencers briefs, bags, yes you'll love to hate me.

Be happy and enjoy your crappy little Christmas everyone.

Heartless

2008-12-19T14:26:00.003+08:00

Can you be so heartless?

Laugh with me

2008-12-17T21:48:00.001+08:00

Sometimes the most simplest funny moments are the more unexpected things.

I hate the carols and happy faces

2008-12-16T21:43:00.007+08:00

There is so much to say about my feelings. I've not been updating about my feelings for a handsome time and now I think is the time.

I'm afraid to face 2009. Yes I'm afraid to face this difficult year and being alone is even worse. Come to think of it being the only Malay girl in the class and of which makes me kind of a an outsider of my own class next year. I'm afraid to make new friends, because I hate it.

I hate it even more when project work happens next year. I'm afraid I wont be able to collect enough strength to overcome all this problems and thus might result in my fall. I might fall without enough determination and encouragements.

I might fail.

I know what you are thinking that I shouldn't think negatively about myself because Ive not even started of my mission of 2009 yet and I accepting defeat. I know I shouldn't but sometimes you cant help but feel so... uncertain of yourself in your life.

I know you feel once in your life too.

I don't want to make resolutions because I know by the end of the year I may not even achieve 50% of them, instead I shall call it, "List of Improvements". Because in every area of my life, I may want to improve and make it even better for this year.

Next year is going to be tough, but with determination and some belief I will triumph and go through this year and many more years to come. God willing :)

Damn, his face is so cute, that I feel like stepping on them and squishing it hard, very hard.

Xmas coming, so?

2008-12-15T18:49:00.002+08:00

I don't give a bloody damn about Christmas. Period.

Coachie

2008-12-14T15:52:00.003+08:00

Ps: Future boyfriend-husband-bestfriend;
Can I get this beautiful Coach wallet for my 20th Birthday next year? :) I'll swear I'll make love to you every single day, and I swear is going to be hot, hot, heat ;)

Remy

2008-12-14T01:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY REMY! :)

I'm a nerd, its official

2008-12-13T21:16:00.006+08:00

Hitman: Blood Money.

Rating so far: 3/5. This ain't as exciting as God of War though.

I've just started this game, and oh boy is not easy. With the help of this, I am determined to complete the story line and be a better shooter, killer and a more stealth assassin. I know I'm so kental, I've had this game in my file for the longest time but never completed it because I'm afraid I'll be shot dead, yeah please tell me I'm silly. But the camera sucks big time, they should really improve it.

I'm on the second chapter, the Vintage Year. If you readers are extreme Hitman pros ,do email me yeah? I want to hear your views :)

Not to mention, God of War III is out, like finally. Damn I'm very excited. I can't wait for the ending, since its the end of the trilogy. I heard that Gaia is betraying Krato's and was talking behind his back. Damn, what a fucking bastard Gaia is.

I'm getting my God of War III, next week are you? :)

Damn, talking about die hard fans of God of War, this is insane. Man, I want this so bad, unfortunately its costing up to $1200. Damn this is sick-ly awesome! :) Click here to know more.

For the God of War fans, here's a trailer of God of War III just for you. I hope you enjoy it!

2009: A year full of uncertainties.

2008-12-13T11:18:00.005+08:00

Someone's special birthday is tomorrow, and I can't wait to tell him I finally remembered his birthday :)

Hello my fellow readers,

I've decided to change the colour of online diary again is because the purple is affecting me too much. Yes, I swear it's the colour of this blog that is affecting what I'm writing now.

Alright, I've got to update this domain of mine, if not it's really going to die, die out of attention. Oh really the days in the house has been rather nice, oh well, you have time on your own. Just to rewind, read up on books and be sane for the month.

But next week is going to be a fun week. Not going to tell you, on December I've got some special people's birthday. Linga's, Emily, Remy's, and Fairuz (my cousin). I guess being able to remember is already the greatest gift of all.

I wouldn't give a damn if it's a lousy, twenty cents worth gift card or something, I think being able to remember and able to give something for that certain birthday is so important. That's why I have a planner to remember birthday's because I realised how important they are.

I remembered Sri's birthday, when I gave her so much presents till she was so overwhelmed, and a plus factor I did most of the presents myself. Which makes it even more unique and special. That really shows how important she is in my life :)

2009: is a year of uncertainties and confusion. And most of all I'll be in a class of which 90% I'm not sure and know of. I'm afraid to make new friends and saying hi will be so awkward in your second year. Oh my God, please show me a path, a bright one.

Since day one, I hate the first day of school, making friends is so hard nowadays. Especially when your a lot older then your classmates and you feel that your competing this young assholes you feel like trashing them.

2009: I may not what destiny awaits me but I know in whatever I do I'm going to give it the best of the best. If it's project work, my Physics A Level Exam, my Continual Assessment(CA) or even my exams. This year it's either I make it or I break it.

I need strength for this year, Allah. I need strength to overcome all of them.

Oh god, I've rant too much to begin with. I can't wait for next week to start because I'll be meeting Ryan (a extremely cool and talented dance choreographer, I've not met him for months), some of the dance pioneers(I hope). I'm also going for Sri's performance at Republic Poly for the first time to support. Yes tell me I've been a nasty friend. And I'll doing my history project with the girls on Friday.

North Vista Modern Dance Pioneers: Let's meet up at school to see Ryan and Ms Zu(I hope.)
Time: 9:30am - 4pm
Venue: School
Attire: Anything, please don't wear slippers.

Give me a text if you'll be coming okay? :)

Oh boy, I can't wait.

Goodbye 08A5!

2008-12-10T10:57:00.003+08:00

This above is another movie accordance with the fall of the Berlin Wall. And it also shows the personal lives of people in East Berlin changes over night with the reunification of Berlin. Rating is M18, but there wasn't much nudity. The movie is in German, so make sure your DVD has subtitle support.

Hello earthlings,

Rayyan was telling me, "I hope you are maximizing your holidays", then I was like sure I am. Maximizing myself literally with chips, drinks, nutella and so much more junk food :)

Yes, I am pathetic. I bet I cant even run anymore. I feel so fat after the 10km run last Sunday, I feel damn fat.

I think Martha Stewart show is so stupid, Oprah is amazingly addictive.

There won't be an 08A5 anymore. Farah was crying over the phone because our class was separated. I feel so sad for her.

My dear 08A5,

I won't be in the same class as you people anymore, especially me sial la 08B5? I do not know anyone from that class man, oh well there's Jia Hao and Zhi Rong which is thank god for those boys. Other then that, I do not now anyone from hat class.

I had fun and run with you people, but the bond we have will never fade, and I wish you the rest of my classmates in 08A3 and 08B7, all the best.

That's all that I want to rant, and I feel like "maximizing" myself again.

Sweet Charity Member died in a Car Crash in Malaysia

2008-12-08T10:13:00.002+08:00

Masrom Abdul Hamid, a member of Sweet Charity [Top picture, furthermost left]
Passed away 6th/Dec/2008.
Sweet Charity is one of the best old school slow rock bands during the nineteen eightys and ninetys.
One of the greatest hits is, Kamelia and Teratai.
Mari kita sedekahkan Al-Fateha buat yang baru pergi. Semoga Tuhan mencucuri rohnya. Insyallah.

Bring out the sun again

2008-12-06T11:38:00.006+08:00

Put away those gloomy dark clouds, because the sun has come out to say hello to the universe.

Hello earthlings,

You must be wondering why the sudden disappearance from the blogsphere? It's not that I disappeared, is just that I've been terribily buzy taking care of my cold before the Marathon tomorrow (God knows whats going to happen tomorrow) anyway. I've not trained for a week and I think I'm going to drag my way along the 10Km track tomorrow.

Anyway, I wish to put aside my gloomy self and place my smile all over this post because every human being born into this world deserves a tinge of happiness although it was not meant to be because last Saturday was a crazy night and I certainly had fun.

Mummy and I. Are we some pretty children?

Of course it won't hurt to post a weird pouting picture of myself.

Imalee and I, damn that hot and big ass Indian girl who is a confirm dancing queen. I think it's our origins, Indians are meant to be dancing queens. :)

Irna Dayana, a primary school friend found at the function. Damn, its been too long girl, six long years. It was great seeing you again.

Currently I'm working my history project which is due on the first week of school term next month. God, tell me I've been neglected my studies for far too long this month. I'm analyzing this popculture reference: Thirteen Days.

Thirteen Days stands for the two weeks of poor paranoia and how close it was due to superpowers greed over power and honour, the world may have suffered a nuclear arms race and more a war.

Click here to view synopsis.

It is starring Kevin Costner (Special assistant to the President), Bruce Greenwood (President John F. Kennedy) and Steven Culp (Bobby Kennedy) and how they came so close a nuclear war that everyone was paranoid about. After some U2 plans flown over Cuba for some detailed shots of that country they sound missiles that was potential of being operational. But this film didn't portray Soviets side of the story since it's American produced film and thus shows a tinge of bias-ness placing the Soviets on the bad side of story.

So I'm going to watch this next and probably use this film for my history project.

Anthony Page's: The Missles of October. Click here to view synopsis of story. I'll do a review of this movie once I've borrowed and watched it of course. I need to get back to my project now, alright lovely people, call me.

Alright I'm done here, I love you and don't miss me so much :)

Pain

2008-12-02T05:08:00.001+08:00

I'm sick of feeling so weak, sick of crying myself to sleep.

- slit my throat and let all this pain stop entering me.

I wish for some company

2008-11-30T20:44:00.003+08:00

I cried doing my chores just now.

I hate it being the cry baby in the house, maybe I'm such a pain in this house. Maybe I should just go away from this house for the benefit of everyone, so that everyone would be much happier. But I can't be runaway kid, because I'm a pampered bitch.

I'm such a bum when it comes to household chores. I feel so unhappy when I make someone unhappy. I feel so lonely. Brother is not talking to me :(

I hate it, I'm beginning to hate the fact that he has a girlfriend now. No one should know about this, yes his a man and I respect his emotional needs, however he has forgotten the most simple girl that makes him laugh and that's me.

I'm sorry brother if I'm a pain.

I hate it when I become so lonely, and no one to talk too. Maybe it's about time I socialize with people, I do get nervous when it comes to making new friends. I really do okay?

I wish to meet Remy one day, which apparently is Annash's best friend. I bet if I ever meet him one day will have tremendous fun and be tremendously nervous.

I told him I'm a scary cat when it comes to pain : that explains why I can't swim, cycle nor skate. But he has politely asked if I would go for a skating one-to-one coach with him, and I didn't hesitate :) Remy, you are amazing.

I think it's about time to not wait for brother to come back home, he has his own life to lead. I'm just a jealous, self-centered little sister.

That's all. I'm not smiling now, and I wish I had a good reason to smile though. I wish...

Memory card stuck sial

2008-11-30T01:11:00.003+08:00

I really wanted to update about the dinner and dance function but unfortunately,tche memory card stuck and it's Nad's. Yes, it stuck at the memory card slot, which is apparently to deep for the card to come out now. Shit-hole.

I'm dead, officially. Brother sayang, please jangan marah dengan adik okay? :)

Shit, the memory card is stuck in my brother's laptop right now. I'm going to be screwed when he gets back home. I hope he'll not be pissed at me, because I don't like it when he gets angry.

All American Rejects is such a kentalan band, I mean it is so yesterday.

And oh boy Retro Meets Disco night was not entirely awesome but it's great. I enjoyed myself, especially the dancing part. They had a dance floor, awesome right? :)

I'' be updating the full details of the dinner and dance with pictures (as usual) when I find a way to get this memory card out of this laptop. Bodoh sial you, and it was nice meeting you Irna, it's been six years, six long years.

To a friend

2008-11-29T05:33:00.003+08:00

I've just read a friend's blog and here's my reply. I've never seen so much love in my life, so much regret, so much remorse in my life.

How can a man loves a woman that much? I've never seen such love before, such betrayal, such cheats.

Girl, how you could you do this to him? From the look of things, I think he loves you. And he can't stop thinking of you and you mean the whole world to him. He thinks that his life is so fucked up, that you make a little lot lesser then it already is.

He loves you girl, and you better know it.

I know how it feels like when it gets too lonely. Sometimes at one point of time, it can kill someone. You wish you had someone to hold and understand you when the world is against you.

But he feels you'll always be there. But what happened? People say, "people change for the better?" but your changing for the worse.

My friend doesn't deserve this kind of shit. He does not deserve it. My friend, be strong. If you need advises, i'll be there.

I'm just being a friend. I'll doubt you read my blog anyway.

Quit lying

2008-11-27T23:12:00.002+08:00

Damn, I got a very, very hot girlfriend.

1) Being a girl sucks when you have strawberry paste leaking from your very fragile body.
2) You get temperamental.
3) Tennis bitch, you don't fucking deserve my respect. For a nineteen year old, your the most childish-irresponsible-notcool-disgusting-ugliest bitch I've ever met in my life. And oh my god, the hair is so yesterday.
4) I went shopping and I felt better spending cash on impulse.
5) I get to meet Nuriah, the hot headbanging girlfriend :)
6) I've got a History project that needs my attention.
7) I feel sad for the past week.
8) I need a boyfriend.
9) Remy texted me, and I felt happy. We started flirting, but then I find it too exhausting.
10) I lied too much this past week.

Disapointment

2008-11-25T21:34:00.003+08:00

Times, hairstyles, boyfriends and fashion may change, but not our friendship. I love you girls.

Disappointments for the past few days.

1) Our experience at VideoEzy at Jurong West wasn't not great.
2) Tennis Camp was a bore.
3) It ended up with sore backs and sore hearts.
4) I miss my brother.
5) I've not done my Malay Book review, I'm constantly stopped on how to translate a Malay word to an English and vice versa, it's damn annoying
6) I wish the Tennis Camp was more like a get together camp and a bonding one as compared to a training camp.
7) My tennis girls they don't dance, which makes me miss my dance girls in my Modern Dance in NV.
8) My body is exhausted.
9) I miss going to school and doing assignments.
10) The Tennis camp overall was a disappointment.

Nadal love

2008-11-23T12:35:00.002+08:00

Rafael Nadal - Espania tennis hot stuff.

Body of Lies

2008-11-23T10:12:00.003+08:00

Rating: 3.5/5. Interestingly captivating, but it has too much talking when it comes to the middle of the story. The ending was awesome :)

Definitely a better watch then Quantum of Solace 007, which is obviously over-rated. :)

Body of Lies is based on a novel published in 2007 by David Ignatius. The novel is in store like Times Bookstore and Kinokuniya. (I did my research)

The story is about A CIA operative (Leonardo DiCaprio) is sent to Jordan to find a high-ranking terrorist. While in Jordan, the operative forms an uneasy alliance with the head of Jordan's covert operations.

I love Guns and Roses new song that is included in the movie's credits: "If the World" is a new track by the rock and roll band in 2008. I couldn't find the song but the lyrics are really meaningful.

If the world would end today
All the dreams we had would all just drift away
No, there’s nothing more to say
If the world would end and all loves drift away

I never knew the way that you looked at me
Would ever mean so much to me
In my heart I found
The feelings I’ve never shown
Now they´ve got the best of me

If the world would end today
All the dreams we had would all just drift away
There’s nothing more to say
If the world would end and all loves drift away

Fall in love in a second

2008-11-23T00:39:00.001+08:00

How can you fall in love so fast? Is this a way to forget someone in your past that hurts you?

Is it?

Learn to be Miss Independent

2008-11-22T11:57:00.007+08:00

I had training yesterday and I can't help feel emotional during training. My skills have degraded a lot this past week and I don't know why I'm degrading. Usually I'm stronger with my forehand but yesterday I couldn't even get the ball in. The coach instructed me back to the wall.

My nightmare.

Need to fucking train my forehand like Maria's. Fucking train Janna, you can't be a loser now.

Maria's tips for a fucking powerful two hand backhand strokes. Fucking train you fat bitch.

I played against the wall for nearly an hour but my mind was some-where else. I don't what's wrong with me yesterday I felt as demoralized as I could imagine. Suddenly I felt really emotional, but I focused myself to get my forehand till a tear trickled down my cheeks.

Don't ask me why I feel this way, I think I'm suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome and this time is major. I ate too much because I wasn't sticking to my diet. I had instant noodles, an oily black sauce super spicy carrot cake and a super oily fried chicken for lunch. Yes, you heard it right oily foods. Oh god.

I feel so guilty now because I stuffed myself with too much food, it was so unlike me.

I need to run, panic, oil = saturated fatty acids = blabbers of fat under your skin = Queen Latifah. Okay I don't need to panic, fuck shit.

A letter went into the post yesterday, I'm qualified for an Edusave Merit Bursary award and oh my am I glad :):)

If they would ask me why I deserved this award I would probably say ever since I went to Millennia I can safely say my social life is zero. Due to all the assignments, homework's and projects. I'll definitely qualify because only my Mum is working currently and my Dad is self-employed and his business is just enough to support himself and Mum.

I know it's pathetic.

But something is really fishy, my results are pretty pathetic to start with I failed my H2 History for God's sake, I don't think I deserve this money though. Oh well since the government is kind enough to ignore that part then I'll accept :):)

If I do get the money, the only thing I'll be buying is this beautiful touch-screen OMNIA that I've been dreaming (I'm serious, I dream about it) for the longest time. I don't fucking care if it's a little too long in the market I just love the functions. And I do think I deserve this phone because I've worked hard this year.

Worked hard enough to be eligible for the Edusave Merit Bursary Award.

Click here for more OMNIA functions.

Oh yes girls: I will buzy for this few weeks due to training, friendly matches, camps and courses that I need to attend because they weren't any room for discussions as to why I should attend anyway.

24 Nov - 25 Nov: Tennis Camp
26 Nov: Friendly match with United World College
29 Nov: First Aid Course / India International Dinner and Dance: Retro
30 Nov: First Aid Course

A few last things to do before I'm gone for the week
1) Clean up my room
2) Buy black leggings and a red scarf for the D&D = Retro theme
3) Fold the clothes
4) Dance: Let's get groovy.

I think I need to more of...

You don't need to worry about me, because I need to learn to be Miss Independent.

All I need a dance pill and Ill be fine

2008-11-19T03:00:00.006+08:00

Love Lockdown - Kanye West [love the track:keep me dancing]
This morning, I was awaken by a bad dream (more like a nightmare) and I don't wish to elaborate. I was scared and I woke up perspiring. I wish it'll didn't happen for real.

As I was watching When I grow up music video by the Pussycat dolls I realized how much I miss performing on stage. It's been a gazillion years since I set foot on the performing stage again. Probably I was too heart-broken towards my parents reactions regarding dance (shall not elaborate on that idea too).

Since I can't dance openly, I danced at home. The best thing : enclosed this passion in four walls and no one has to know. I've this dying passion I have under closed doors because I do not want to be in any position to hurt anyone's feelings. Yes, I know it sucks.

I've got training at 0900 hours and I'm not planning to sleep anytime soon. Oh gosh, am I such a pathetic and stubborn little bitch. Thank you people :)

I've yet to bake a apple pie for the family yet. I shall do it this afternoon since I've got nothing to do to feel up my holidays with, no boyfriend, no good old pals, and no life. - sad life.

1) Paint the block letters I bough the other day for my planner
2) Buy red and black gems for my planner
3) Buy supah glue
4) Need some good hot ointment for my aching body since training on Monday.

Speaking about Monday, did I mention our school has the most annoying little gold faggots as security guards I've ever met in my whole life. I swear this is more annoying then the one back in secondary school days. I swear if I could poke a fucking huge fork up his asses I swear he won't be able to make love to his wife for an eternity. Fucking faggots, I wish all the old faggots just die (especially the one living in my house right now.)

My tennis overall, is on my nerves too. Our tennis cage is probably suffering from long-term neglected-ness and losing limps from his castors. And he refuses to purchase a new one for the team. Oh well, I guess raising up to the higher management won't do it either. Come on team, lets just fork out two bucks and purchase a new one :)

Zeek's cousin is in my tennis team and I'm still pretty shy to speak to him. Should I say hi first, or should I ask like, "Are you cousin's of Haziq?". Zeek says his shy and well I believe so because he only talks to guys in the tennis team. Oh well so am I but that besides the point. What am I talking about anyway?

Oh never mind. My period hasn't come yet I realized, probably that's why I feel so agitated with my parents last night.

All my girlfriends found their soulmates and I'm so happy for them, because I know they deserve the best. I miss you girls.

Probably, the best thing to do is ignore you.
Stop calling me and texting me your sorry
because that was just so old school.

Probably, the best thing to do is to forget you.
stop thinking about me and telling me those empty promises again and again
because I'm sick of promises, now
they are lies without a disguise.

I shall ignore my feelings for you,
because I ended up waiting and hurting for you
yearning for you came to nothing.

Conquered with my team

2008-11-17T01:59:00.010+08:00

I'm back from the Malaysia Expedition [10th - 12th Nov], and that was a few days ago and oh boy am I glad to be back in Singapore.

Hello pit squeaks,

I'm back from Gunung Panti and the Pelepah Waterfalls, and oh boy am I glad to back. Can you believe as much as I didn't wanted to end, I wanted it to end fast.

On the very first day it was raining, well it wasn't raining cats and dogs it was just a mild shower causing blooding sucking leeches to cling on to you to see for cover and warmth and yes I'm talking about those black, fat and ugly creepy crawlers.

You want a piece of me?

We trekked for hours up Gunung Panti till we meet these (extremely) vertical wall and oh boy was I scared to death to begin with. We were so near to the summit and so eager to reach to the top and all eager-ness died when we saw this wall. No matter what were feeling, we had to conquer it. Personally, I thought to myself, "don't die and just do your best".

Death Wall.

Not a death wall anymore, we had ropes to ease our misery. :)

After the strenuous climb to the top of the Summit, after every piece of roots we combed on the vertical wall, after every sweat was leaking through your body, after every muscle has been pushing themselves to the limit, finally Team Millennia reached to the summit and we took this moment to take in the beautiful sights of Kota Tinggi. It was so right and calm, I've yet to forget this magical experience with my team-mates.

I think after all the hours of trekking up slope, it was all worth it when you are able to experience this kind of scenery ain't it? I thank you God for keeping me alive.

On the next day we had to descend down the slope and trekked for another hour to the base of our destination, the Pelepah Waterfall. We had a short briefing before going up the dry route to Pelepah. After two hours of up-slope trekking, we reached. Since Jolene had a muscle pull during the trip we wanted to reached the campsite fast, we opted the dry route to begin with. And we did. The Pelepah waterfall was the highlight of the whole trip.

Pelepah campsite, white sands, clear waters and a beautiful stream was waiting. It was all worth it. That's Daniel by the way. :)

At night, during the campfire we had pretty long debrief and pretty meaningful sharing session which almost moved me to tears (of course being an egoistic girl I didn't), we danced billy banja, the MI dance (everyone joined along), played charades and we were happy campers. :)

The campfire that Daniel (the guy with the red back pack in the last two photos) is pretty proud of, credits to him that there was light in the suburbs of Pelepah. Or that could be a fair chance that will live in the darkness the whole night. Thanks Daniel and his tight wearing boys for the clothes line, the firewood and the entertainment. It was an awesome night that I won't soon forget.

(Alright no more photos after this because I'm too tired to upload them up to this blog) When the sun glimmers over the horizon of Pelepah, we had to pack and set home. We unhitch the tents, cleaned the mesh-tins, stoves, pots and pans, utensils and had an area clean up and I knw that I'm going to miss being in the wild, although I started off miserable in the trip.

We trekked down Pelepah through the wet route and oh yeah was that fun. But all the fun caught up on me when I suddenly felt dizzy. I felt terrible, my head was so sore that it felt like the whole world was spinning in a roller coaster. I had two hacks from Rayyan and 500ml of water from his water pack and I felt a little better. He did most of the help actually, of course there was Jolene, Brian and Hafizah. I thank God for you people. I love you all so very much :)

Rayyan: I'm taking this opportunity and thank you for helping me down the trek. I wouldn't have make it when you weren't there, you told me to hold on to you when the fear gets on to me, I was screaming at you for support but you didn't spoon feed me. You pushed me even harder. Rayyan, you are an awesome guy and I don't think I'll forget your good deeds anytime soon. Leading me in every step of the way so that I make it down safely, you are amazing.

"Is all in the mind Janna, don't cry and I'm here to support you" that's what you said to me when my head was hurting like crazy and I felt that the trek didn't want to end. Rayyan, your words of encouragement were burning in me when I trekked down and I forced myself to work even harder, it was true it was all mind over matter. It is you who control your brain not your feelings. Be wise and think straight. Rayyan, once again thank you.

I want to thank Hafizah, Brian and Jolene for the extreme help you people offered. Team Kempes for carrying my load when my head was spinning like top. Jahafar for your hand. Amos for your hand. Rashidah for your encouragement and of course many more to mention. I feel so emotional now, I wished this expedition won't end, but of course good things come to an end eventually :)

Thank you Synergy Dynamics for your expert advises and encouragement :)

Maybe this could the start of more expedition to come, maybe I'll climb Panti once more and next could be Mount Ophir to meet the princess. If you want more of our crazy adventures do click here because there is unlimited source of photos and stories to tell :)

Good morning readers, I need my rest because I have training at 0900hrs. I love you all, don't forget to tag me.

The cause for the dizziness, slightly low blood pressure and now I'm recovering. Thanks for the concern team, I love you people heaps!

Rayyan, you are awesome.

Ignore you

2008-11-15T05:20:00.005+08:00

The ride by Boat Quay was so calm and serene. Suddenly my messed up mind, became calm. I knew I needed a life. Life in pre-u is sucky because your other friends in Poly/ITE are either in school or working.

A million smses were sent to potential hang out kakis, unfortunately all were buzy with school or work. I had to do something to clear my mind, instead for waiting for the laptop to reach home, I called my cousins by the Boat Quay.

I went to visit a cousin working at Kinokuniya, because I had to find a nice planner for myself, the price got me dumbstruck.

Then I went to Hippo Duck tours yesterday to find another cousin who apparently was working there and she gave me sufficient information regarding the Singapore River and honestly I couldn't give a shit, but I think it was well explained. She works in front Le Noir bar and that is on hot spot on Friday nights (she said).

The free ride was awesome.

The ride was sufficient enough to let me think why did I mess up my mind. I'm falling for two extremely kind boys at the same time. Now I'm not sure if its just a crush or its purely love.

The thing is, I'm never desperate to seek a boys attention, we flirt. Yes girls we all do flirt a little even though we have boyfriends or not. Oh well let me just say whether is a little micro bit or not.

But these constant flirting has caused to fall for him. And he was extremely kind. But my logical self was saying, he was kind because you let him too. Oh well, it was true. I was in a confused relationship before this and I don't think I could see any glimmer of hope shining above the horizon.

No hope calling this relationship sacred and pure. No hope.

The second boy came to my life recently and we flirt a lot and I mean a lot. And I can't help but say that he really makes me happy. The constant bickering and flirt-slaps really got to me. I mean every girl flirts right, but what if it really DID happen?

Something really did blossom from that relationship, and I thought to myself why another complicated relationship did I get myself into. So I made a decision by Boat Quay yesterday and that is to ignore.

Yes, ignore this feelings and transfer my attention to something more fruitful like training for my Marathon, my friendly matches and studying for the upcoming Common test which is three months away.

My schedule is packed with school, Mum and friends. I cant slot in anytime for a boyfriend really.

I cant help myself getting distracted by my lonely feelings that my other priorities in life had to receive its consequences. Ive done that once and that have caused another year in my pathetic secondary school and I don't want to do this again.

Ive got to set priorities for myself. Maybe Ignorance is a bliss in disguise. I try not to gaze into your photo at friendster and I'll try not to email you anymore. Ignoring could prevent my heart from being hurt. Because we are of different paths and I can't afford to lose this friendship due to the eternal romance for you. I'm not a daredevil when it comes to feelings, really.

I know its so lovey-dovey. I need to stop thinking of boys and set my priorities right. All I want to do now is study, run, train and play tennis. And I hope you understand.

Conquered

2008-11-13T22:34:00.002+08:00

Kota Tinggi and Panti = We've conquered. Thanks to all who are involved in this expedition. Synergy Dynamics, especially Rayyan and Khris. I love you people, very much. I shall update more when I'e got the time during the weekend. Miss me?

Before my trip

2008-11-09T10:27:00.003+08:00

Abu Huzaifah's current entry hit me hard. It feels both sucky and stressful just to think that I made it to another year of MI. I NEVER thought in my wildest dreams I'll be promoted because I've slacked too much this year. :(

The fact that I'll be facing my contrasting subject in A levels and my Project Work scares me. However this is reality and by running means Im a coward not being able to swallow the harsh reality. Dont fucking run, idiot.

Yes, reality is harsh.

I want to thank Abu, Zul, Amir, Sri, Arifah, Feyra for coming down to Changi Adventure centre gates to say hello to me and minah rep. We really appreciate it. Its been a long time since I last saw my wacky and lovable 08A5-ains. :) You really made my day.

However in that meeting a part of died. I love my bestfriend too much and Im unable to trade anything in the world for her. If I have to trade my red iPod to her, I'll willingly give my iPod away just to spend another day with her. Alright I know random la.

It still hurts deep inside. Your letter was harsh but true and I'll never be able to replace you with another bitch, ever. :)

Alright, lets put the harsh reality aside. I've got so much to talk about oh yeah Ill be leaving for my Kota Tinggi expedition tomorrow and yes I'll try my best to blog again with pictures .I swear it sucks with OUT a camera phone.

My phone currently dosent even have a bluetooth device in it. I swear I want to kill it. I fucking hate it. Please pray for my safety and please pray that I wont churn huge amounts of poo on the way because it sucks to poo at the mountains = no toilets la sey.

The Student Leadership Experience camp was not entirely awesome, but was near awesome I guess [except the fact I got bitten by a million and one mosquitoes and gotten myself really really tanned]. I made friends and I love the raft.I'll shall blog with pictures when I have them okay? :)

Yesterday I went to Batam, and spent like there is no tomorrow. Oh yeah it was awesome. I bought an Adidas tennis skirt from an Adidas outlet for a whopping SGD$23.50, a Lotto tennis top [to go with the skirt] for SGD$14 and a Reebok tennis court shoe for SGD$67.80 all from sports boutique [with my size].

Yes, Im grinning like an idiot. Hmm, Im running out of things to say, see you people after my trip yeah? :) Wish me luck.

Awesome week

2008-11-02T12:21:00.003+08:00

Britney Spears - Womanizer

I love this music video by Britney, it signifies her come back well I was hoping for more hardcore krunkin' still it's pretty hot. Damn, how did she manage to loose all that weight, I'm so envious.

Talking about weight, since the start of the month of April when hardcore training and outdoor activities started, I've achieved an extreme weight lost regime, which I'm pretty satisfied about. I've lost a total of 15 kilos in 8 months.

It was remarkable, I had a friend who couldn't recognize me when they first saw me after so many years. Oh boy, it was funny when they're reactios were as though they just saw a ghost/alien from outter space.

Alright I was just exagerating. You want to loose weight but don't know how? Let me teach how...

1) Eat only 3 main courses in a day. And I mean it.
2) Try to avoid fast food joints as much as possible, try to limit to only twice a month.
3) Skip for half an hour once or twice a day
4) Run/jog/brisk walk for at least half an hour every once or twice a week
5) Limit your snacks/chocolates/chips for only twice a week. Crunch on an apple instead.
6) Don't try no carbohydrate diet, because I swear it doesn't work.
7) And last but not least, be happy.

What else I have to say here, oh yes school holidays has officially started and ended for me because I'm semi booked for the month of November. Girlfriends who know me and wanna date (cheh like popular like that. :)) be sure to tell me in advance yeah? :)

4th Nov - Confidence Speaking Course (Sports Council Members)
5th - 7th Nov - SLE Camp
8th Nov - Batam (for hardcore shopping)
10th - 12 Nov - Kota Tinggi/Gunung Panti, Malaysia trekking expedition
13th Nov - Mandarin Speaking class
20th Nov - Mandarin Speaking Class

and a lot more that I can't remember. I told you I'm fucking buzy for this month and I aint sure if my body could take it. I'll hope that I'm able too.

Did I tell you readers that I went to Mount Faber and walked on the Canopy Walk, that was a nice experience and I will never forget it. But what makes more memorable is that the company was awesome. There was Jolene, Amir, Adli, Audy, Ally, Su Hong, Charles and the other Chinese guy whom Ive yet to know his name.

Yesterday was awesome, we walked from Mount Faber to NUS Sports and Recreation Centre. Okay that is from Redhill Stn to Clementi Stn. My legs didn't ache terribly though, the Bukit Timah climb was 100x harder then the Mount Faber. Alright I sound really boring.

I will never forget yesterday, I fell twice and I hit my bump pretty badly. Yes, because I'm prone to falls since tall people has a higher center of gravity [less stable la idiot]. Nest its because it was drizzling the whole day, which then results in = a VERY slippery floor.

Awesome-ness.

Oh not to mention the photo-shoot for the school magazine with the Sports Council members and my Tennis girls were awesome cool-ness. I shall post the pictures when I finally get yeah?

I was DAMN excited la. Okay enough, my fish and chips (home made)is calling me. See you people soon! Muacks!

Thank you people,
you made my week an awesome one.
I miss my bestfriend, Sri.
And I want to eat chocolate waffle from Prima Deli badly. (oh man its damn fattening)

Stronger

2008-10-30T11:15:00.000+08:00

I NEED TO BE STRONGER THEN YESTERDAY.

Im sad today

2008-10-29T17:52:00.003+08:00

My online businesses name card, which is currently being printed. I could easily make acquaintances now :) and yes, you've guessed it, its red.

I feel like crying, when I feel sad I buy Oreos [without Melamine] and dwell. Although its the last day of school, it also marks the last day being in the same class as my bff. Thanks for the card, although everyone hates the fact, everyone hates that fact.

I feel like crying, let me cry and whine after that I'll be fine :) O Levels tomorrow, I got to mug and revise, but my mind seem unfocused. I want to play soccer, I want to go Management class with bff, and eat at the Cafe and bitch about everyone that passes by.

Yes, all girls bitch about everyone. Don't be a hypocrite if you don't.

Greens and Gold Bracelet Sold!

2008-10-27T13:15:00.005+08:00

Greens and Gold: Overall.

Greens and Gold closeup

Greens and Gold end.

Description: Greens and Gold is made of a 14K plated thick chain with a lobster clasp end with 14K gold plated findings. Yellow oblong Kashmiri glass beads. Yellow Swarovski crystals were used, two light green teardrop gemstones, light green round Swarovski gemstones were used in this bracelet. A truly classy and stylish piece! :)

GREENS AND GOLD SOLD!

Hello aliens

2008-10-25T15:42:00.004+08:00

I love the Minah Rep.

SHAGGED like crazy.

The rest of the Spc members have just completed our hike to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve and oh boy did I almost died. We went on three different paths and all the paths are very much different. The warm up almost made me cry because there was this very and I mean VERY steep slope that could probably kill elephant if it decided to roll down.

The trails were definitely ain't easy, it's eek-y, smelly, muddy and wet. And of course there were ants, MILLIONS of ants.I didn't freak out of course, I kept my cool and just enjoyed the company. I love the girls in Spc, they are awesomely nice people. There's Shafinah, Jolene, Hafizah [minah rep], another Chinese girl who is so encouraging till Ive forgotten to ask her name, and me.

My girls are awesome! :)

I had tennis training, my Math O level Paper 1, and my Promotional status on the very same day. I was damn, I'm surprised my heart could take in a lot of the shock, and luckily didn't die out of it.

I bought myself a bar of Cadbury's (Australia made) chocolate and good pat on the back. Yes, I did get promoted, and I cried. Yes, tell me I'm a silly girl. My girlfriends some won't be able to be in the same class due to unwanted circumstances. I feel like staying there forever.

I wish I could be in the same class as Sri Nurulhuda next year, but now I've got to learn to live without her around in class. No one to gossip with, no one to have girl fights in class and no more a close best friend in class. Is as though a big part of me died.

So I cried, I gave a strong front but eventually I crumble upon my emotions. I feel so confused at the same time. I feel sad, confused and so tired all at the same time.

Ah, I wish this was just a bad dream that we are in and finally our mums would just go around screaming and say wake up. Unfortunately this is not.

Sri love, I hope you'll take this obstacle as a learning point and please do not make a distance with me next year since we'll be on a different path next year, but I truly hope we'll stay as crazy, bitchy, noisy and of course just as lovable as before. Let's treasure the moments yeah?

Facebook is on my nerves. I want to delete my account now.

I'm in super-desperate need of sleep, a cold bathe, a massage and whole lot of cuddles.

And not to mention I think I'm balding fast, I see my hair kept falling off my head every time I comb my hair and I suspect because I kept my hair too long to let it be nice enough.

Dah la, goodbye for now till the next post. :)

Hate is strong like Badang

2008-10-18T09:10:00.004+08:00

I hate myself more then anything in the world. I hate myself because I caused my pillows to be wet yesterday, I cried myself to sleep. I feel so emotional this past few days, sometimes you just need someone to be there, a special someone. But with all the boys I hang out with, there couldn't never be one which is different, which is special in a sense.

I'm glad my Jasmine has found the man in her life, and oh man she deserves it. She deserves to be happy with the man that she loves so dearly.

Sometimes I wish I had a man who would be strong and masculine and will be there for me when in times of need. Sit through my cries, a shoulder to lean on, a heart to ask about everything under the sun and just be there.

He doesn't have to be a prince charming with a shining armor and a horse riding in the sunset, he doesn't have to be tall dark and handsome.

**********

I'm having self-esteem problems again, yesterday night I thought of suicide. For the first time in my life, suicide. I'm unhappy, really am. And don't ask why am I unhappy about. I'm just unhappy.

I wrote a suicide note yesterday and decided not to do it because I love my Mum. I love her very much, but she doesn't realise it. I love her more then my life.

In my suicide note I wrote,
1) I hate myself for not being born smart.
2) I hate myself for not being beautiful.
3) I hate myself for not being slim.
4) I hate myself because I've got no sex appeal.
5) I hate myself because I'm short in cash.
6) I hate myself for agreeing to go Kota Tinggi
7) I hate myself for shouting at Mummy last night.
8) I hate myself because I couldn't control my tantrums
9) I hate myself for being lonely.
10) I hate myself because I'm emotionally unstable.

I hate myself. Period.

Espania

2008-10-15T03:36:00.003+08:00

Yes, the Serene Conpiracy is not dead yet, thanks.

It's 0334 hrs and I can't sleep because I'm experiencing pain in my abdomen, I feel like having a good dose of sugar rush thingys and I'm under medication yet again. This time its food poisoning.

On Monday I went to Jalan Raya with my MI classmates, and after two houses, it started. Orange puke start raining from my mouth, you can say like Merlion but in this case in a more disgusting manner. I swear I felt like dying. Due to that I called Dad to pick me up from Bukit Batok (which I knew would be impossible), my friends hailed a cab for me caused me $22.10 of my savings.

The amount almost killed me, well I did ask Dad for compensation money for not picking me up, he'll give me he said (oh well I doubt so). I went to the Ntuc Medicare clinic which cost a bomb, but this time my Dad paid. So I don't care how much was it.

I'm still in a lot of pain. I'll have to miss my training on Wednesday because I'm given two days mc, I text Audrey that I'm sorry about it and I don't want to let her down, she ignored my text I think.

I had only 3 hand fulls of rice for dinner, and I'm hungry again. I wish I can call MacDonald's and have them deliver breakfast to me, however that will be too costly to begin with.

I'm nervous about my O Levels Maths Exam which will come real soon on the 24Th and 30Th. Oh man, I feel giant elephants playing hide and seek in my tummy. I don't want to make a third mistake in a row. I want to get a pass, at least a C6. I'm pretty much desperate.

I'm nervous about my results too, I know the History paper is a sure "cannot make it" scenario. No light at the end of tunnel I guess, I banking most of my hopes on Economics and Management, which I felt was alright and was passable. :)

I've blabbered too much, Happy 19Th Birthday Nadia bte Yaacob and Jasmine Yap. I'm off to bed now cause my eyes feel so heavy. See ya people soon. :)

Selamat Hari Raya

2008-09-30T17:33:00.002+08:00

Photography by deviantArt.com.

Selamat Hari Raya to all my Muslim babes and dudes. May this year bring more love, wealth, light, happiness, cheer and soooo much more. I hereby asking forgiveness from anyone who have probably accidentally or intentionally caused any emotional, physical hurt to anyone. I'm really sorry yeah? :)

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFIRTI SEMUA! :)

PS: as for exams, is going on pretty well. History and Physics is next do wish me luck yeah? See you lovelies soon.

The Serene Conspiracy is on Hiatus till further notice

2008-09-21T17:23:00.002+08:00

The Serene Conspiracy's author is all geared up for the upcoming Promotional Exams which starts tomorrow, Monday 22nd September 2008. The author would like to apologise for the lack of updates regarding the authors life, and experience. Fret not, she'll be back with a bang after the Promotional Exams. Good luck to all classmates of 08A5, may all of us be promoted to the next level. God willing, I love you people.

HIATUS MODE.

I don't hate my class

2008-09-19T05:25:00.003+08:00

I'm experiencing post-menstrual syndrome, so I apologise if I in any time during this update, I will be hurting any one's feelings.

I'm fed up and disappointed with my class yesterday during our physical education lesson, I feel sucky with my classmates behaviour. I totally understand how Adel feel when you're less fit then the usual, in desperate need to run, desperate in need to accepted in a class.

It feels horrible.

I was fat, overweight, criticized and ashamed of my own figure. I was suffering from low-self esteem when it was back then, suffering to pass my 2.4km run. It was horrible. I felt that I was slowing the whole class down, I felt like failure and I was lazy. There wasn't any benefits of getting to PE lesson. I feel sucky, and that's it.

I wish my classmates would be more sensitive to people who are just helpless. Stop being so fucking self-centered, stop being so Singaporean and be more open-mindedness. This is a world, we share the world, we share the air. Why don't be a bit fucking sensitive to others around you, because everyone deserved bit amount of respect. Can you people just fucking think more wisely, and don't allow age influence your decision, although I know most of you people, are immature and insensitive.

Fuck you.

Yes, I'm angry. Adapting means getting feel beautiful It shows how immature and how insensitive you are to anyone. You are so fucking self-centered that you think you own the world. You're such a fucking pampered female, that it's almost impossible to meet someone like you. It's just so impossible, probably the dicks who think you;re hot and gf material should be so wrong after seeing your ugly side.

Yes, girl your ugly side.

[to be continued...]

Love and the text message

2008-09-18T00:54:00.002+08:00

Boy, I still love you like I did yesteryear, still love you like I did last month, still loved you like yesterday, still loving you like today and not to mention till many more days, months and years left in our lives. I still do, because I know you're worth it.

No words, sense of gratitude, poems or songs could express how much I still long to gaze on those piercing eyes of yours again. You've stolen my heart once, and you've stolen my heart again with that simple text message. You're a thief in love.

Ps: I long to hold, love and touch you. I miss you, do you miss me too?

Dee & Ivan BDAYS

2008-09-14T14:18:00.002+08:00

Happy 19th Birthday Love, I hope you'll be happy, beautiful and wealthy. May the month of Ramadhan shine some light to your lives as well as your family. I love you and don't you ever doubt that girl. May you have a long and healthy life, and God keep your relationship with Mohd be forever till eternity. God Willing :):) Oh yes, Happy 19th Birthday to Ivan Tan, you are missed by me! :)

A norminal update for my readers

2008-09-13T15:07:00.003+08:00

Who wold like to go to Women's Day Out on the 11th and 12 Oct with me? Click here to register.

Hello world,

I've a gazillion and one things to complain/whne/brag about, I have classmates who are getting on nerves, they are talkative, rude, spoilt brats and their courteousness levels is ultimate zero. I'm not pin pointing anyone because it's the fasting month and its not ideal to be blogging bad things about them because it's really not worth my effort.

Anyway I don't the luxury to be sleeping about eight hours a day on weekdays anymore, and that's probably because I've still got a million and one revision to do. My Management tests rex\sults are not satisfying enough, because I'm hungry in aiming a C in my Promotional exams which is coming real soon in less then 2 weeks.

Scary I know.

Oh well, school is really stressing me out and making it worse it's the fasting month. Oh well, it's okay getting used to the fasting month already, quite like the fact that money is saved for luxurious things, like dresses and clothes. I saw a top from Metro which is soooo lovable, confirm getting it next week. :)

Okay what else I should update, oh yeah I'm participating in the 10km Run for the Standard Chartered and going to Kota Tinggi for a hike in November. Wow, something that I didn't think that I would do one day is becoming a reality. When I look back at myself, I couldn't even pass my 2.4km when I was in Secondary school, but now I'm attemping the impossible, well to a small extent it is something I should be proud of, after the month of Ramadhan, I'm back to training myself. I need to lose the weight, like desperately, I've gained too much lard.

Classmates issue: Wealth and fame makes one person forgetting their roots and I totally believe in that. I wish my classmates would put aside their comfortable life, and face reality that they are from the Malay culture, they don't realize its their culture who defines who they really are. I realize that I may not be good with Malay words, but in some way or another I still support my culture and the Malays because bot cultures are rich, beautiful and exciting.

We are too westernized today, I'm not trying to say that is wrong to be too westernized but to a certain extent in our attempt to pursue a better future for our selves, we intend to leave behind the most important things in life such as language and culture. Of which I admit it, I'm one those people.

So yeah I am Indian with Moroccan and Chinese bloodline in me. So yes, I'm a rojak individual as you might say.

But I'm constantly improving, reading and watching the Malay-related mediums to improve myself and uphold the culture before one day it is just too late. Before it is just too late. I apologize if I make you feel uncomfortable in one way or another, but after all this is my place of say. Go and click the X button with all I care, :)

My Adobe Photo shop software is coming sooooooooooooooooooooooooooon, and not to mention I need a new phone, because the 3200 now has creating problems.

Happy 19th Maliha Mohd Noor! I love you truckloads!

After so long

2008-09-06T20:25:00.004+08:00

Nokia 6210 Navigator. OR

Samsung OMNIA

Good evening people,

Prior to my missing phone, Ive been racking for a good phone this time. And two phone has caught my eye and that is the Samsung OMNIA which has sper cool features, of course not as cool as Apple iPhone but close to it I guess. The Nokia 6210 Navigator, is like super awesome. It comes in RED toooooooo! Which makes it double OH WOW! I'm obligating in whether to get an OMNIA or the Navigator, oh well, let's see how. In the mean time, I'm using the very basic 3200. Old skool shit, I know.

I'n officially a Hannah Montana addict and Teen Buzz fanatic. You have no idea, there's actually a kid in me.

I've went with Mum to Bugis Street just now. I've sinned so much today, I've bought bangles, two maxi dresses and a handbag. Yes, I've officially sinned today. Then we went on to Mustafa Centre to buy our groceries, and bought Richfield's New Zealand Chocolate. Which is damnnnnnnnnnnnnnn good can? :)

Nad, Dilah, remember our time at New Zealand when we bought gazillion amounts of chocolates? Oh man I miss those days. Let's work so hard, and give ourselves our second trip to New Zealand? :D

MIIB, oh well sort of? This picture is damn funny. :D

Happy BIRD-Days

2008-09-02T19:55:00.002+08:00

Happy 20th Bestfriend. I hope you love the matching earrings and necklace babe. It didn't take too long to make because I'm a pro, no? I love you till the end of time. I hope you halal-kan all the epok-epoks and the Macdonald's breakfast in the mornings yeah? That was you're first batch of presents, wait for tomorrow yeah? :) :)

Happy 17th Aina Diyanah. Well, I know the card is a little cheapo to your liking, but I hope you'll really like it. I hope you don't misunderstand what I said the card, but it's true age is a scary thing. I hope that next year, I'll get a present up to your liking-status. See ya soon love! :)

Ramadhan is today

2008-09-01T08:49:00.002+08:00

The adventures of Upin & Ipin regarding the third pillar of faith, Fasting which officially has started to today. For the Non-muslim and Muslim I think you'll find the series of six episodes will give a better insight of why the Muslims fast and what the benefits of fast. Click here to view videos.

Today is today

2008-08-29T20:10:00.003+08:00

EXAMS ARE DRAWING NEAR!

Oh well, its that time of the year again, unfortunately not a long awaited festival that brings in more moolah, but the time of the year to grow more pimples on your face. The promotional exams in my first year is here.

Time has gone by so fast and I'll be ending my first year and I can safely say like in 3 months. Sadly, Hari Raya Puasa will be in my exam period. Not much of a celebration for the Marican household, because I'm faced with this dilemma again, exams. I've got O Level Maths exam at the end of October to think about too and honestly, I've not started revising at all. Well, obviously things are going to change.

My exams has officially started and officially ended for me. And why did I just said that? Because the September holidays have started however, I've got lessons everyday except for Monday and Friday. To add salt, it's the fasting month, no food.

Just amazing.

The case of the missing phone is still on the way. I mean, I suspected somebody might have just unzip my bag and just stolen the phone. I cried continuously to my Mum, but she's quite cool with it. The sad thing was, the phone was bought with my own hard earn money, because my Pebl was malfunctioning for the longest time.

To that someone who found/stolen my Nokia 5610 phone, I swear when your guilt and conscience gets to you and your heart feels that you should return to me the phone, I swear I won't be angry. I swear.

Oil prices have decreased again, and I'm happy at least the inflation rates in Singapore won't be as bad as it was during the month of July and August when it was on its highest ever in 15 years. I'm glad. :)

Mummy is doing fine. She's recovering but we went for her checkup today. The situation in the clinic is not worthwhile, but I'm glad the doctor said she has recovered from Vertigo. However the doctor said that it might come again, in the meantime no caffeine and no stress. I hope she'll be happy.

It's official, I think Suhaimi Yusof is very, very irritating.

A minor update

2008-08-26T21:44:00.003+08:00

My 5610 XpressMusic Red handphone is stolen. People, so don't call or message me for the time being till I get a replacement SIM card from Singtel tomorrow. Thank you.

I cried too much for material things in life. :(

My mum is discharged from the hospital and recovering very well. Thanks for the well wishes and of course the gifts. Thank you.

Things need to be done.
1) Southeact Asia essay that I owe a milion years ago
2) Southeast Asia worksheet that I owe from Friday
3) Study for Globalisation Biz test on Thursday and make notes. :)
4) Do GP essay by Thursday.
5) Sleep, because I cried too much.

Thanks. :)

Ibu

2008-08-23T23:05:00.003+08:00

The only love of my life is hospitalized. I feel so helpless when I see her vomiting so much, I wish I could have eased her pain, but I'm so helpless God.

But thank You for making her feel better today. She had the appetite to have her meals, and she looks a little cheery too.

I would like to thank the visitors who came to visit the love of my life today. You people are great, thanks for the money, flowers, fruits, biscuits, the love, hugs and time. I want to personally thank Sri and Hafizah for coming down, you people are awesome. :)

Oh yes, thanks to grandma and Marican family for coming, and of course my beloved nephew, Rauf for making me so happy. :)

I wish the love of my life to have a speedy recovery and come back home soon. Because I can't bare to see you in so much pain, I love you and will always will.

The love of my life is my Mum.

I miss my sisters

2008-08-20T18:01:00.002+08:00

I'm offically missing my Blood sisters, please help. Girls, lets meet up real soon because I miss you people. I miss talking crap, having my nephew Rauf around and of course eating good delicious food with you people. You are people are missed by me. :)

Self-reflect

2008-08-19T20:16:00.004+08:00

Someone once asked me, "You are so pretty, and so smart and why is there no boyfriend to accompany you in your life?"

For once in my life, I was dumbfounded. I don't find the two earlier points true but yes I don't have a boyfriend now and probably the best answer for it is probably due to: time.

Time is an issue in my life. I'm married to my books because I want to succeed academically desperately. I've retained for one year in my secondary school life has thought a million and one things regarding life. In another words, I've become more wise with age. Even the little kiddos find me mature enough to be an adviser, if they have problems and seek deep in me for answers.

But honestly, I don't have any. I just have a wise person's advise and that is better then an answer to me. Answers should be sought only after advises and much hard work, because it's up for a teen to decide logically.

In other words, "Please think for your own ass".

And I think that boys are out of the picture in the moment in my life for three years in Millennia. I don't want to make a promise or a vow, but maybe a statement that I would like to stick to in the years to come.

So that's why I choose not to have a boyfriend. :)

Health: I'm eating well, recovering and kicking well. But I sometimes do have those occasional headaches that needs some improvement. So yeah I feel a lot better now. :):)

Studies: I just did my Management and Economics tests and for both, I wasn't able to complete due to the time constrain. Need to train my hand to write a little faster and my brain to work a little quicker. Ah, what's done is done, let's just see if I really pass with true colours. Oh yes not to mention, GP is killing me.

Family: Been spending quality time with Mum and I'm hoping granddad die a horrible death.

Others: I'm an activist for an upcoming mosque in Sengkang, Al-Mawarddah. I should bring myself closer to God, since I've sinned so much. So much. And Ramadhan/fasting month is coming, should really try to be a good Muslim and not a entitlement one.

Differences

2008-08-07T07:48:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

I swear this is the most toughest obstacle you have given me this far, my illness. I swear this is tougher to tackle over because I know it's you that determine every thing that's happening in my body. I know you are powerful but I also know you're kind, please recover me so I could seek more knowledge to make You, my parents and myself proud.

Here I am your slave begging of you so that I could recover since I don't have many teaching days left till my big Promotional exams, every time I push myself a little too hard I feel you pushing me down.

I felt giddy just how you fated me too.

So dear God, grant me with health so that I could continue to have a place in my Institution and continue on my journey to be the very best. Not to mention not being able to play tennis for the friendlies against NYJC.

That sucked even more. Sorry team, I won't be playing nor umpiring, because my Mum will kill me she gets to know I'm attending any tennis related activities. I need another week of rest, then I'll be fully recovered and I'll be swinging balls before you knew it.

Abandoned

2008-08-03T16:12:00.003+08:00

I'm exhausted. I feel like abandoning this blog because my buzy lifestyle dosen't allow me too. [thousand of oversue photos to update] 25 teaching days left to Promotional exams. It's time to study my asses off, or I'll regret not making the cut. I'm contemplating whether tennis is really my game I should pursue because I lost miserably in my Internal Competition. I'm still contemplating. MI Mart: Chaotic fun but exhausting effort.